Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…
– EPHESIANS 5:25

I think it was about four or five years into being married where I began to realize something. It was subtle, but nonetheless, significant. My love wasn’t waning. Neither was hers. I think, like so many other habits in our lives, however, I had drifted into a kind of steady stillness in my marriage. There was no crisis. No one
was yelling or threatening. No ultimatum was issued. But, something that used to be there all the time, appeared to be hiding in the routine of everyday living. That early marriage euphoria of new love didn’t appear to be able to bear the weight and sustaining power of a deeper kind of companionship in marriage like I’d hoped. I knew then, I’d need more than pheromone-electro-chemical brain pyrotechnics to build the next portion of our lives upon. Only, I wasn’t sure what that looked like.

Paul describes the way a marriage ought to look in his letter to the Ephesian church. In Roman society, wives were supposed to take care of the house and children as the man’s property. They were little more than servants. They were a necessary component of civil life. But, there wasn’t any expectation of love. When Paul says to the church — to the husbands in the church — “love your wives,” he’s already stating something completely counter-cultural. It might have made sense to say: “watch over” or “look out for” or even “protect.” But he says “love.” Even more so, the love he describes is completely absurd: “…just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Jesus’ love for the church (His bride) isn’t ecstatic temporary elation. It’s not nervous flirtation, nor clammy hands, nor fumbling speech. His ministry wasn’t about amorous fireworks and chemical impulse. No, Jesus saw the church as His beautiful and eternal bride. In that sense, a season of “feeling it” would never cut it.

I discovered something in these words that I have yet to fully grasp — that the essence of a lasting and “radiant” marriage had far more to do with what I was willing to give up than what I was hoping to get. I realized something in that understanding — that in even the most beautiful marriages: MARRIAGE IS REALLY HARD. In the marriages I respect the most, where the couples appear to have the deepest and most compassionate love for each other, all of them speak about the unending trial of learning the art of sacrifice for the other. In other words, like everything else in our faith journey, marriage is a work in progress. Everyone can always use a tune-up no matter what stage or place they’re in.

This Friday night, February 13th we’ll host our own version of that tune-up:
“DATE NIGHT.” $15/couple. Bring your friends. It’s always a hit. Online registration appreciated (required for those needing childcare).
Here’s the run-down:
6:30-7p, Pre-date appetizers
7-8p, Program led by Doug Fields
8-9:30p, Leave to go on a date with your spouse
9:30p, Pick up children from Mariners MV

See you Friday night,

Jeff