I was at a wedding a few weeks ago. Not surprisingly, the bride was radiant. Her bridesmaids, dabbing their eyes, protecting their meticulously applied eye makeup from running, stood in solidarity with their dearest friend. The fathers were proud. The mothers were beaming. The groomsmen were, for the most part, presentable. The groom was as handsome as he’ll ever be in his life. It was the beautiful wedding everyone wants. The ceremony was humorous and tender. It was a moment to cherish.
The world paused momentarily while we were inside the echoey chamber and the glimmering stained glass. On that afternoon, so many promises, prayers, anticipations, and dreams were embodied in that chapel. But, never was a prayer uttered, nor a hope spoken that their mutual feeling of “being in love” should sustain them for the duration of their lives. Despite all the fairy tale accoutrements with which weddings are necessarily associated, the sustaining power of their marriage was never to be found in the ebullient euphoria of “being in love.” Rather, whatever will bind them together for the long-term must lie in a deeper, richer commitment to God and to each other… regardless of how they may feel.
CS LEWIS says it this way:
“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing… Love as distinct from ‘being in love’ — is not merely a feeling. It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God. They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other… ‘Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”
Universally, an enduring kind of love is understood to be a good thing. No one ever sees an elderly couple tenderly holding hands on a park bench and then says to themselves: “Well, that’s really too bad.” To see something like that, one has to wonder what story is held within that shared grasp. Undoubtedly, it’s a story of beauty that has transcended both the initial love-drunk stages of “falling for each other” and the mere feeling of being in love. It’s a beauty forged not in the meadows of “happily ever after” but in the twin foundries of soul-level commitment and love-against-all-odds.
This is the kind of marriage we hope to be a part of building at Mariners. As much as there’s a necessity for big interventions and massive course corrections, there’s also a need for married people to play together, to get a shot in the arm to re-center what can occasionally drift. This Friday night, Mariners MV will host a date night for married couples. Amanda and I will talk from our own experience of marriage and ministry for a few minutes before sending you out on your date. Date Night is intended to be a boost for your relationship. It’s not crisis intervention. But, it is a chance to reconnect, and perhaps, to hold hands — maybe with an eager anticipation of one day sitting on a park bench amid passersby who quietly hold in high regard the journey that got you to that good place.
Let us know if you’re coming (especially if you’re planning on utilizing the childcare) by clicking the Date Night link.
See you Friday,
Jeff
