We hit a milestone in our family yesterday. Amid all of the “talks” we are necessitated to walk into as our oldest stands at the threshold of his teen years, one of the most critical was neither the conversation about some of the new vocabulary words he’s picked up at the playground at school, nor the ongoing chat about the proverbial “birds and bees.” Last night as we sat around our dinner table we gave our son his first cell phone. It’s an old iPhone we no longer use. And, after I had combed the internet for ways to responsibly limit the awesome power of this newfound porthole to freedom, we turned and faced our son and then drawing from a backpack we presented to him and his giant longing eyes and outstretched hands…
Before any other steps were taken, we’d read the contract together, line-by-line. In addition to finding tech help on the phone, I stumbled across a contract used by a New England mom that she gave to her son upon receipt of his phone. It was brilliant. I downloaded it and edited a bit, re-forming it in the first person voice and allowing blanks for his initials for each of the points detailed in our new agreement.
Each of the 17 points in the contract enabled us to initiate a conversation with our son, impressing upon him that we trusted him with this new and exciting burden and that there were new expectations that accompanied it. At some points we laughed a little. At other points we clarified what was intended in the writing. We expressed that we believe in him and in his ability to utilize the phone as an intelligent, conscientious member of society. I am excited for my son. I do believe in him. Our intent was to set him up to win, not to catch him failing.
While we say all the time at Mariners Church that we “don’t have all the answers”, never is that more apparent than in the parenting of our own kids. I’m grateful to be in “this” together with so many of you in our community.
See you soon,
Jeff