Month: August 2012

INTRODUCTION – 10 MINUTES

When was a time you owed some money and someone else paid it, or you got money you weren’t expectting to pay a debt you owed?

Leader note: It could be as simple as someone in a restaurant paying your bill, maybe your forgot your wallet at a store, or maybe it was something bigger where you weren’t sure how you were going to pay a bill, and money came to you in an unexpected way.  Be sure to ask your group how it felt to have the debt “forgiven” or taken care of for them.  Try to capture that feeling of being free.

OBSERVATION – 20 MINUTES

Read Matthew 18:21-35.  What do you learn about forgiveness?

Commentary:

It is a heart issue It is a Kingdom value/priority No limit – have to do it over and over Amos says God will forgive 3x, Peter thought well I’m more than doubling that…Jesus says, no – unlimited Have to have a heart of forgiveness Based on the fact that you have been forgiven

Look at the three acts of the parable – what do you learn?

Act 1- Servant had an “Unpayable debt” – more than the tax burden of the entire city He goes to the king Tells king he can’t pay – king orders him to be sold into slavery/along with family and all descendants until debt is paid – debt can’t be paid off in their lifetimes Guy begs for patience (even though he would never be able to pay no matter how patient the king was) King forgives the debt– the debt is paid by the king and the guy goes free

The world says “you owe you pay” Mercy is expensive for the forgiver, free for the forgiven

Act 2 Forgiven servant leaves the king and runs into a guy who owed him a “payable debt” Chokes him trying to get him to pay – demanded he be paid Isn’t wrong to expect repayment – response is wrong Fellow servant asks for patience – promised to pay it back – would have been able to (4 months’ salary) Guy wouldn’t forgive the debt, had him thrown in prison Other servants see what he did and know about the king’s forgiveness of his debt – they are outraged There is a sense of judgment They tell the king

Act 3 King calls in the forgiven servant Called him evil – wicked Reminds him of the mercy/forgiveness grated him Tells him it should have been the same response for the other guy Has him tortured until he could pay back the original debt – which he would never be able to do – basically would be tortured forever He is imprisoned by his debt that will not be forgiven and he cannot pay.

UNDERSTANDING – 25 MINUTES

What is forgiveness?  What is it not?

Leader note:  You want to make sure people understand what forgiveness is. To misunderstand this point would be to miss the whole point of what Jesus did on the cross for us, and what is expected of us.  So let your group define it as best they can, but you want to get these points across:

What it is not:
Denying or minimizing the hurt or pain
Not pretending it didn’t happen
Not allowing it to continue
Not continued abuse
Not tolerating

What it is:
Extending mercy and campassion
Understanding the wrong and what it means to be forgiven as you have been from God – and others
Acknowledging the hurt and pain
Releasing the person of their debt to you
Keeping no further record
It becomes between them and God

What happens when people forgive others?  What happens when they don’t?

Leader note:   Make sure that you talk about it from both perspectives – the person who forgives (or doesn’t) and the one who receives the forgiveness (or doesn’t).  Try to establish the fact that holding onto bitterness, discontent, unforgiveness is a form of being held captive.  You are holding yourself captive, as well as the other person.  There is such freedom for both parties when forgiveness is extended.  Just like when we are held captive by our sins, our separateness from God – when we accept, really accept forgiveness because of the work of Jesus and our debts are completed paid, we are set free.

Leader note:  A good way to answer this question is to think of specific examples of forgivess. Maybe you know someone who had a coworker take credit for their work and they came and fessed up and asked for forgiveness – consider how each of them felt both before the apology and after.  Or maybe you know someone who was hurt by a family member and the relationship had suffered for years because of it.  Then they reconciled because forgiveness was extended – what did their relationship look like before it was jeopardized?  What about during the time before they were forgiven?  What about now?  Think about common examples like being cut off on the freeway – what happens if they retaliate?  What happens if they just forgive it and don’t do anything in return?  But there are harder times to forgive – such as infidelity and breach of trust in a marriage.  Without naming names, consider those situations as well.

Leader note:  The objective of this question is to see how powerful the act of forgiving is – it reconciles relationships and can change the direction of someone’s life. Bitterness sets in when you aren’t forgiven, or don’t forgive, and relationships are destroyed.  Friendships can be broken due to a harsh word that is never taken back, parent/child relationships are damaged because of deception that has never been dealt with.  Bitterness can make you angry at the wrong people – it can darken your heart and steal your joy as well as stealing your capacity for love and to extend love.

What makes it so hard to forgive someone?

Leader note:  It is important to understand what forgiveness is, and what it isn’t.  Have your group discuss this, and then talk about why it is so hard to extend forgiveness.  One important reason is that you may not completely understand how much you were forgiven.  People hold onto guilt and shame from their past and don’t understand the completeness of their forgiveness. 

APPLICATION – 25 MINUTES

What was a time you were forgiven or forgave someone?  How did it make you feel?

Leader tip;  Have your group try to stay within the past few months with this question.  Unless it is a huge offense they forgave or had forgiven, then let them go further back.  But part of the purpose of this question is to recognize that even the smaller situations that beg for forgiveness are important in freeing you – not just the “deal breakers” like affairs, stealing, cheating, lying.  Maybe you hurt your child’s feelings by something you said, how did it feel when you apologized?  What did you say and how was it received?  How did it reconcile the relationship?

Leader note:  There is such a relief that comes with forgiveness – on both sides.  Talk about how that feels, when you run into someone and you have bitterness toward them you avoid eye contact, don’t interact, even have ill will toward them.  But once that relationship has been restored because of forgiveness you look at them the way you used to, you feel love for them, it changes everything.

Is there a situation in your life that requires forgiveness?  What would be different if there were forgiveness in that situation? What is keeping you from it?

Leader note: You may have a situation with a family member who has been estranged for quite sometime.  What would happen in your life if that was restored by forgiveness?  Understand also that sometimes the other party wants to hold onto their bitterness, or their position of being right and won’t accept an apology – but what does it mean to forgive on your end?  Did you leave a job under bad circumstances and burn a bridge that needs to be repaired?  Is one of your children avoiding you because of a rage or battle of words?  Think of all the unreconciled anger and bitterness you have in your life – and think about where it comes from.  The root of it will be something that can, in fact, be forgiven.  And only then will healing and reconciliation and freedom occur.

Pray:  Spend the last few minutes together thanking Jesus for the ultimate act of forgiveness.  If you have been holding onto shame and guilt in your life, spend some time in silent confession, surrender the entirety of the chains that hold you, let God break you free and sit with the feeling of freedom.  Spend time expressing to God what it means that you are forgiven by Him and that your relationship has been restored. Then continue praying together for a heart of reconciliation and forgiveness. Pray for the opportunity to right those wrongs in your relationships and to receive forgiveness with grace and to extend forgiveness with mercy and compassion. 

LIVE IT OUT

What would change in our families, and communities, if we move toward forgiving and setting people free from their captivity of resentment and being shunned?  How would people come to understand God through us?

INTRODUCTION – 5 MINUTES

What would a perfect picnic look like to you?

Leader note:  Some people in your group may not like picnics.  That’s ok, ask them if they could “move” the picnic inside, where would they take it.

Commentary:  You may like the planning and execution of a great picnic.  Preparing the food as well as all of the accompaniments is fun for some, or maybe it’s the thought of being outside somewhere – maybe the beach, or a green park, or in the mountains.  It could be the company at the picnic that makes it perfect. 

OBSERVATION – 20 MINUTES

Read Matthew 14:13-21.  How did Jesus show he cared about the people?  What was the response of the disciples?

Leader note:  Make sure you put this passage in context.  Remind your group that Jesus would have just found out about his cousin, John the Baptist, being beheaded in jail.  He would have been in a state of grief.  If you want you can read the passage (verses 1-12) to your group first and then proceed into the story for the study this week.

Commentary: 

Even though Jesus would have been tired and in a state of grief he looked at the crowd and took compassion on them. 
He healed the sick.
He gave them his attention.
Jesus wanted to serve them, make sure they were taken care of, fed.
Before giving the bread and fish to the disciples he looked up to heaven, and he blessed the food.

The response of the disciples was one of selfishness – send them away…gave reasons they couldn’t serve – there’s not enough.

Look at the passage again, but this time imagine yourself being one of the disciples.  What would you be thinking?  Then imagine yourself as someone in the crowd.  What would you be thinking? 

Leader note:  As you go through the passage, take each verse and consider it from the viewpoint of the disciple and then as part of the crowd.  Notice who Jesus told to “feed them”.

Commentary:

First consider the context of the passage – immediately follows Jesus and the disciples learning of John the Baptists death.  The disciples even had the task of coming for the body and burying it.  Then they were to Jesus to break the news.  Consider their mood, their disposition as they faced the crowd. 

As you look at the passage from the disciple’s point of view, take note that it was the disciples that fed the crowd.  What would they have been feeling as they were being handed bread by Jesus?  They had one basket each and most likely 20,000+ people looking forward to being served.  What would they be thinking as they handed each family their share of food and then thinking they would be out of food turned to the next family sitting on the grass, and there in their basket was enough for that family.  Again and again they found exactly what they needed to serve each family that waited for them.  And what did they have at the end of their serving?  Exactly what they had when they started!  There was 12 baskets left over, one for each disciple. The served and served and yet they ended up with exactly the same as they had when they started.  Notice where the miracle happened – it was with the disciples as they were feeding the crowd, not back with Jesus.  They got to be part of the miracle.  They got to witness the life change – possibly from doubt to faith, from skepticism to trust.  Their faith most likely grew.  They would have joy, perhaps even energy they were lacking when they started.

Next consider what it would have been like to be in the crowd.  Think of being one of the first served, then how would it have been to be one of the last?  Would you believe there was going to be enough for you?  Would you start thinking that Jesus cared for those at the beginning, but maybe there wasn’t enough to go around?  What would you feel like once you received your fill?  What if you were a seeker?  What if you were a cynic?  What if you were starving, needy or sick? 

UNDERSTANDING – 20 MINUTES

Think of our weekends at church, what are all of the places you see volunteers showing people they care, before they even get to the service?

Leader note:  Consider all of the volunteers you see each weekend you come to church.  Think of it from the perspective of a first-time visitor.  Who do they see showing them that they care they have come to our church.

Commentary:  Church really begins as you pull onto the property.  From those directing traffic, to those guiding you into a parking spot, those driving shuttles, the people that welcome you to Port Mariners and those who check in your kids, those who work with and love the kids, those who hand you bulletins on your way in, the people who work the patio tables.  All of them show people that they care by their service.

APPLICATION – 20 MINUTES

Where do you want to serve and why?

Leader note:  Consider again all of the volunteer opportunities you see on the weekends, but also consider other volunteer positions within the church ministries.  Let your group explore various areas that interest them, ask them what difference their service would make to those that would be impacted by their commitment. Talk about how their lives would change if they got in the game.  As you talk about it, consider the parallels to the disciples’ experience.

Pray:  Ask God to bless those that serve so faithfully at church to make it the experience that it is for each person that attends.  Pray that the Holy Spirit will prompt each member of your small group to see the crowds around them with compassion.  Pray for a relaxing and refreshing summer and that each person will find the place to serve that best meets the need of the crowd and provides life change for both the servant and those who will be served.

LIVE IT OUT

How would we affect our community if we moved toward volunteering in this way?