Month: May 2013

Romans 13:8-10 // Christian? Wk 7

Date: May 25 – 26, 2013

Series: Christian?

Message: How Far Is Too Far?

Passage: Romans 13:8-10

 

 

INTRODUCION – 10 MINUTES

 

When it comes to driving… would you consider yourself to be a rule follower, rule bender, or rule breaker and why?

 

Leader note: The question is designed to show us that we all tend to make exceptions to certain laws.  This tendency is a slippery slope, as exceptions create space for loopholes or excuses to justify our actions.

 

OBSERVATION – 15 MINUTES

Read Romans 13:8-10

 

What do you learn about the law in this passage?

Commentary: (some of the answers your group should find)

  • It is a laundry list of “should” and “shouldn’t,” i.e. commit adultery, murder, and theft
  • By itself, the law does not fulfill all that God requires of us
  • The law creates boundaries

 

What do you learn about love in this passage?

Commentary: (some of the answers your group should find)

  • It fulfills the law
  • Love brings freedom
  • Love is a debt
  • It does not harm its neighbor
  • You must love yourself in order to love others
  • Love brings grace to the law
  • Love is the foundation of every law

 

Leader tip: Guide your group to recognize that the law alone leads to condemnation, while love leads to freedom.  When unrestrained by love, the law becomes an unwinnable trapping of legalism and bondage.  The intent of the law is to lead us to love one another with a spirit of grace and freedom; therefore, the way we interpret the law shows us the true state of our hearts.

 

UNDERTANDING – 20 MINUTES

 

Where have you seen people make excuses to not love others?

 

Leader note: The aim of this question is to reveal that, at some level, we all feel that love has limits.  Some people are, “deserving,” while others are, “undeserving.”

 

Commentary: (some of the answers your group should find)

  • Criminals
  • Abusers
  • Addicts
  • People on the other side of the political spectrum
  • Our own family
  • People who have let us down
  • When it’s “inconvenient”
  • When we can’t control their response
  • When we don’t get anything in return
  • People who cost us time, energy, resources to love/sacrifice for

 

Leaders: Examples of stories you might hear…

 

“I prayed for good neighbors.  We forged a close relationship, but the burden of them became too heavy when their marriage blew out.  They suddenly required a lot of effort; it became easier to not invite them over as much.  I was tired and felt that this was not the relationship I had prayed for.”

 

“At age 43, my father discovered an illegitimate daughter when our family was well established.  To this day, I don’t feel willing or able to forge a relationship with the girl because it feels unfair that his story impacts mine in an unfair way.”

 

Where have you seen people struggle to accept love?

 

Leader note: Not only is it difficult to express love at all times, it can also be hard to accept love or to feel like we are deserving or worthy of it.  Collect personal examples here if possible.

Commentary:

  • Prideful people
  • A parent who abandoned their family
  • People pleasers
  • Performance driven individuals
  • Victims

 

APPLICATION – 20 MINUTES

 

Leader note: The focus of the questions now shifts to us.  The goal is to examine why it can be difficult for us to fully receive God’s love and, in turn, express it to others.

 

Who do you justify withholding love from?

 

Another way to state this question: Are there people in your life who you abstain from loving because they have hurt you, they require too much output, or they don’t deserve justice for the way they have acted?

 

Ex: “My sister in law did not want me to marry her brother.  She openly rejected me and refused to be in our wedding. This was damaging to me and to the relationship.  I was always cordial, but never felt love for her.  One day I realized that at church, I bequeath God’s love on people who do not love me everyday.  This disconnect caused me to question the barrier I forged with her.  I prayed for God to give me a heart for her.”

 

What obstacle do you need to overcome to love that person?

  • My need to be right
  • My desire for revenge
  • An attitude that says, “They are getting what they deserve”
  • A judging heart
  • Pride
  • Control
  • Fear of being hurt

 

How have those same obstacles affected your ability to receive God’s love?

 

Leader tip: There is often a connection between the obstacles we encounter in loving others and they way we receive God’s love.  For example, a judgmental person may have difficultly receiving God’s love because of the way they judge themselves.

 

What do you need to surrender in order to receive God’s love?

 

Leader tip: Think of this “obstacle” idea as a mirror exercise. i.e. sometimes our obstacle in loving others is motivated by the same fear or contempt we hold for our own shortcomings.  If we are not willing to love, then we have lost sight of how God loves us.

 

 

LIVE IT OUT

 

How would it impact the world if we fully embraced and expressed the powerful love given to us by God?

 

Pray over your group at the end of the session: Thank God for the love he has freely bestowed on us. Pray that we would surrender completely to God’s acceptance and forgiveness of our own shortcomings. Pray that we would gain an increased awareness of the people around us that are crying out for the unrelenting love of God and, regardless of circumstance or convenience, allow us to be bold enough to answer the call. Give us hearts that are compelled to love others as Christ has loved us.

Luke 15: 11-32 // Christian? Wk 6

Date:  May 18-19, 2013
Series:  Christian?
Message:  Two Lost Sons
Passage:  Luke 15:1-2a, 11-32

 

INTRODUCTION – 10 MINUTES


When did you think something was lost, and then found it?

Leader note:  This question is easy to answer, try to get everyone to think of a time they lost something and then found it.  For instance, maybe they lost their wedding ring and found it later – have them talk about how they felt when it was lost, and then when it was found.

 

OBSERVATION – 20 MINUTES

 

Read 15:1-2a.  Who is Jesus’ audience?

Sinners, tax collectors and Pharisees

 

Read Luke  15-11-32.  What do you learn about the misbehaving son?

Leader note:  We will be reading the entire passage through verse 32, however, break it into the segments focusing on each person in the story as it will help your group identify with the various characteristics and emotions for each one, and find themselves in the story.

Commentary:  (some of the answers your group should find)

  • Entitled – road to happiness is money
  • Money is freedom
  • Not patient
  • Ambitious, independent
  • Bold, impulsive
  • Insensitive – in shame honor society,
  •                 Asking for inheritance – I wish you were dead, and older brother dead
  •                 Public shame because the property would have to be sold to give the money
  •                 Wild living, pigs and prostitutes

 

*In those days property was kept for generations – didn’t earn it back

  • He’s foolish
  • Prideful
  • Learns the hard way
  • Up until this time he was out of his senses – insane

Was he brought back because of humility or calculating?
Both –

  •                 Had to get to the point where he was wrong
  •                 Throughout the story he’s been self-centered…

 

Read Luke 15:22-24.  What do you learn about the father with the younger son?

  • Gracious
  • Forgiving
  • Enabling, empowering
  • Compassionate
  • Patient
  • Strong and humble
  • Faithful 

Read Luke 15:25-30“Behaving older brother”?

Leader note:  Another way to think of this brother is as a “rule follower”, or someone doing the right thing for God.  That will help your group get to the point where they may identify themselves as the older brother (the church-goer, follow rules, live ethically, etc.)

  • Hard working
  • Self-righteous
  • Bitter
  • Angry
  • Entitled
  • Judgmental
  • Critical
  • Unforgiving

 

Read Luke 15:25-32.  What do you learn about the father with the older son?

Commentary:

  • He left his own party to talk to his son who was bringing shame on him by not joining in the celebration
  • He reminds the older son everything is his, he didn’t lose anything because the younger son got what he wanted.
  • He said we have to celebrate finding what was lost
  • Neither son earned what they were given, it was the father’s to give
  • Doesn’t take any of his grace away by extending it to the younger son

 

2b.  What does the younger son and older son have in common?

  • Both want to be out from the authority of the father
  • Both shame the father
  • Don’t love the father
  • They are loved by the father
  • Both dislike the other
  • How are they pursuing happiness – older – work hard, moralistic, being good

 

UNDERSTANDING – 20 MINUTES

 

Where have you seen examples of the “younger brother”?

 

Why does their behavior make you angry?

 Leader note:  By asking the question this way you will help your group discover that they are the “older brother” in the story.  They will find themselves identifying those who are entitled, succeed “unfairly”, etc and their anger toward that person or group of people and will find themselves angry.  In the application question you will be making this personal and helping them discover the root of their anger.

 

APPLICATION – 20 MINUTES

 

When have you been angry at God?

Leader note:  You should notice that your group falls into the “older brother” category.  Therefore they should have situations where they were angry with God because the fell upon hard times, someone “undeserving” got something they wanted, or they felt as though they deserve something and didn’t get it.

 

Leader tip:  When someone shares a powerful story others may come around them and derail the discussion completely.  Can be an avoidance tactic if someone has a powerful story.  The leader needs to be reminded to respond to the story, but then move to the next person to share.  There is a time to come around the hurting person and pray, etc – but keep the discussion going to make sure everyone shares and they don’t get an easy out from facing their own anger or issue.

 

Some sample answers you might hear from your group: 

  • when I was dating my wife I went to a church that basically promised that if I stayed pure I would have a great marriage – when we got married it was really tough for the first few years and I was mad at God.  I kept thinking I did what I was supposed to do and you didn’t keep up your side of the deal.
  • When my mom was sick we had her prayed over, anointed for healing, she was a good Christian and yet she died, and we thought it was because we didn’t have enough faith.
  • My husband and I raised our kids in the church, they have known God since they were little, we prayed with them and did the best we could to keep them focused on God – but two of them had problems at school – big publicized issues and I kept wondering why did that happen to MY kids?  I’m raising them right…

 

What were your thoughts about God during that time?

 

  • I did right – you didn’t
  • I did good – you failed me
  • You make no sense
  • It wasn’t fair
  • I can do better than you – I know the answer
  • He’s not sufficient
  • He’s mean
  • He’s unfair
  • He’s not loving
  • He plays favorites
  • He’s more gracious with others

 

What is the fear behind the anger?  What’s the truth you need to believe?

Leader note:  By identifying the underlying issue of the anger you can begin to see the response needed from the Father.  For instance, if the underlying fear of publicized rebellion of a child is keeping your reputation clean – you may need the truth that the Father loved you through rebellion, His grace is sufficient for you and for your children, and to remind you how to wait for the time they come back – wait anxiously and ready to celebrate.

 

  • If the fear is being alone you may need to believe He is with me.
  • If the fear is not having an easy marriage you may need to hold onto the truth that you have the power to move first toward making it better.
  • If the fear is that you may endure suffering, the truth you may need to hold onto is even in that He’s working, He’s bigger than the suffering.

 

LIVE IT OUT

 

In our community there are both younger and older brothers – what would happen if we responded like the father?

 

Pray:  At the end of your time together pray for God’s grace to cover all of the “older brother” attitudes you may have had toward others.  Ask God to remind you of His forgiveness, acceptance and restoration in your own life.  Pray for the opportunity to offer celebration for the lost that return and for the rule followers, those standing in a place of false superiority – that God will give them opportunities to embrace humility.

John 1:1-6, 14-17 // Christian? Wk 5

DATE:  MAY 11-12, 2013
SERIES:  CHRISTIAN?
MESSAGE:  HOW SWEET IT IS
PASSAGE:  JOHN 1:1-6, 14-17

 

INTRODUCTION – 10 MINUTES

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:  HAVE EACH PERSON IN YOUR GROUP SAY TWO TRUE THINGS ABOUT THEMSELVES AND ONE LIE AND THEN HAVE PEOPLE GUESS WHICH IS THE LIE. 

Leader note:  You may not have time for every person to share – but try to get as many as possible to talk.

 

OBSERVATION – 20 MINUTES

 

READ JOHN 1:1-6, 14-17.  WHAT DO YOU LEARN ABOUT JESUS?

Leader note:  John the Baptist was building a sense of anticipation for Jesus.

Commentary:

  • Word was God
  • Jesus is eternal
  • Jesus is “Word”
  • Source of all knowledge
  • All power
  • Overcomes darkness
  • The “Word” becomes flesh – incarnate, higher power in our midst
  • Dwelling – tabernacle
  • Full of grace and truth
  • John told us about Hi
  • We received grace in Him
  • Grace upon grace upon grace

 

UNDERSTANDING – 20 MINUTES

 

WHAT IS THE VALUE OF GOD’S TRUTH?

Leader note:  There are several questions in this area, so don’t spend too much time on any one question.  You will be looking at both truth and grace and answering the same questions about each one.

Commentary:

  • It serves as an anchor
  • It is a foundation
  • Plum line – a place to gauge when something is not truth
  • Guide
  • Accountability
  • Wisdom
  • Understanding and knowledge

 

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH LIVING BY TRUTH ONLY?

Leader note:  Another way to ask this question would be, “look at the answers from the previous question, what happens when you try to live up to the truth – and can’t?

Commentary:

  • The truth points out, highlights all that isn’t true, anytime you miss
  • It Convicts
  • It can be brutal
  • You usually end up with shame and guilt because you can’t measure up
  • You feel excluded from those who seem to be fine.

               

WHAT HAVE YOU OBSERVED ABOUT PEOPLE WHO LIVE FOCUSED ON TRUTH? 

Leader note:  Think of groups or friends that you’ve been around that seem to be “full of truth” and only truth.  How do they talk about other people?  About themselves?

 Commentary:

  • Comparison – labeling
  • Better than and best
  • Superior theology
  • Learn judgment – looking only at the externals and relating it to the internal (their heart) – there is no way they can know the heart – God looks at the heart.

 

WHAT LIFESTYLE RESULTS FOR THOSE WHO ARE FULL OF TRUTH ONLY?

Commentary:  Considering no one can live a perfect life, meeting all of the requirements of God’s truth, what happens to people who value only truth?  Hide/image management/veneer/lack of honesty

 

WHAT’S THE VALUE OF GOD’S GRACE?

Commentary:

  • Freedom
  • Forgiveness
  • Gentleness
  • Safety
  • Gift

 

WHAT IS THE PROBLEM BY LIVING BY GRACE ONLY?

Commentary:

  • No accountability
  • Recklessness on your part and the group part
  • License
  • Not loving – but has the illusion of love
  • Feels loving, but really whips you around in the end
  • Can’t grow

 

WHAT HAVE YOU OBSERVED ABOUT PEOPLE WHO LIVE FOCUSED ON GRACE? 

Leader note:  One example would be how grandparents spoil kids and then the parents have to undo everything and set boundaries and rules again when they come back home.  Or in relationships, never holding anyone accountable – being “tolerant” to the point of immorality running rampant.

 

APPLICATION – 20 MINUTES

 

WHAT WOULD YOUR SPOUSE OR GOOD FRIEND SAY ABOUT YOU AND WHICH SIDE YOU LEAN TOWARD?

AND WHEN?  WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES?

Leader note:  Think of the different areas and relationships in your life – not from your point of view but instead from your spouse’s perspective or that of a close friend.  This is usually a more honest way to consider your position.  It’s even helpful to choose an area for each side – for instance possibly you fall toward truth telling with your spouse, but grace with your children.  By having the group consider where they fall either way they can observe what motivates their response, and recognize the value of being full of both – not balanced where it can be 60% grace and 40% truth, but rather 100% of both.

 

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF THAT KEEPS YOU FROM EMBRACING EITHER GRACE OR TRUTH? 

Leader note:  Pay attention to the story, figure out where they fall off if they have a hard time finding it themselves.

 

 

LIVE IT OUT

What if we lived with both grace and truth?

 

 

 

 

1 Corinthians 5:1-12, Matthew 7:1-5 // Christian? Wk 4

Date:  May 4-5, 2013
Series:  Christian
Message:
Passage:  1 Corinthians 5:1-12 and Matthew 7:1-5

 

INTRODUCTION – 5 MINUTES

 

WHAT BUGS YOU ABOUT THE HOLLYWOOD LIFESTYLE?

Leader note:  Try to let everyone jump in on something they disagree with that Hollywood represents or promotes to them.

Commentary: 

  • Manipulations
  • Vulgarity
  • New spouse all the time
  • Extravagant lifestyles
  • Sex
  • Drug use

 

UNDERSTANDING – 20 MINUTES

WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY ABOUT JUDGING?

Leader note:  Answer this from your previous Bible knowledge or what you’ve heard.

Most people will have heard the verse:  Judge Not lest you be judged

 

READ 1 CORINTHIANS 5:1-12 AND MATTHEW 7:1-5.  WHAT DO YOU LEARN ABOUT JUDGING?

Leader note:  People may be surprised that the Bible actually tells us TO judge – but only others in the family of God. 

Commentary:  The Bible tells us who to judge and the way to judge them:

  • those inside the church who are called “brothers and sisters” not outsiders of the church
  • “immoral, greedy, idolaters, adultery, drunkenness, sins of the flesh, swindlers …”
  • These are observable sins, “lifestyle sins”
  • The passage we are dealing with a man sleeping with his stepmother.

 

WHAT DO WE TEND TO DO WITH “IMMORAL” CHURCH GOERS?

  •  Cut them loose
  • Let them hit rock bottom
  • Stop trying to help, they won’t receive it

WHY DO WE CUT THEM LOOSE?

  • Taint the reputation of the church
  • “hypocrites”
  • They don’t live up to the standards set by God in the church
  • It is a strategy of love-implement tough love so that we can eventually restore them to the church “let them back in.” The church is bad at both of these.
  • Judging in this scripture is strategy of love, love the person, love the church, love the community.
  • The person will feel judged, rejected, ostracized…like an intervention.
  • We have conformed to their character

Leader Note:  You can look at 2 Corinthians 2:5-11, where Paul explains restoration back to the church. 

 

WHAT DOES THE PASSAGE SAY ABOUT THE “OUTSIDERS”?

  • Don’t judge
  • It is God’s business
  • Don’t expect non-believers to act like believers, They do not subscribe to our beliefs
  • “Be with them” – Often the Church says don’t be with them, Jesus never teaches that
  • How far is too far in “being with them?”
    • Encouraging their behavior
    • Marrying them
    • Indulging in their sin
  • Why do we not judge? Matthew 7 plank and “do not judge lest you be judged”
  • When you judge someone else you are identifying sin in yourself

 

UNDERSTANDING – 20 MINUTES

WHERE DO YOU SEE PEOPLE BEING TOO LAX WITH “INSIDERS”?  WHERE DO YOU SEE PEOPLE REFUSING TO RESTORE THEM?

Note:  Another way to ask this is, “where are people too afraid to give tough love to other Christians?

  • Where do you see churches/Christians fearing the confront/restore binary?
  • Inside-too lax/lenient? Too harsh. Too lax on choices/addictions/justifications/gossip/political views
  • Outside-Looking at Hollywood—what makes me angry? Pushing the group to recognize “the outsiders are me.” What they do is a problem, but why am I threatened by it?

Examples:

  • Small groups – people don’t want to call each other out, or hold each other accountable
  • People living together
  • Addictions
  • Parents of high-schoolers providing or allowing alcohol, condoning sexual behavior.
  • Gossiping
  • Debt/money things

 

WHAT IS THE COST OF BEING TOO LENIENT?

Commentary:

It makes the family of God weaker We look like hypocrites when behavior is tolerated within the church and criticized outside The behaviors can be thought of as accepted, thereby increasing the immorality

WHERE DO YOU SEE PEOPLE JUDGING OUTSIDERS?  WHAT IS THE COST?

Leader note:  Your group may not have to go much further than how they answered the first question about Hollywood.  But don’t stop the conversation there – consider anywhere you have seen “Non-Christians” being held to “Christian” standards.  What is the cost?  Does it attract people to Jesus?  Does it give Christians a bad name? 

 

APPLICATION – 20 MINUTES

Leader Note:  You may not want to tackle both the “insider” and “outsider” applications – depending on your particular group and the time you have left.  You may already know that your group struggles with one relationship more than the other and steer your group that direction.  Questions for both sides of the discussion are provided.

WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUTSIDERS?

Leader note:  There are typically two extreme positions – either separate and judge, or associate and join the behavior.  Neither of these extremes are productive.

WHAT MAKES YOU AFRAID OF HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM?

  • I might get sucked in
  • Being with them could make me look bad
  • I don’t want to “condone” their behavior

WHICH PART OF THE “INSIDER” JUDGEMENT DO YOU STRUGGLE WITH?  CONFRONTATION OR RESTORATION?

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF IN THESE TWO TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS?  WHAT WOULD IT LOOK LIKE TO LET THAT FEAR GO?

  • Inside: Why am I afraid to give/too quick to give tough love?  What is the cost to the person being judged and to us as the church?
  • Outside- What is the barrier to me loving those on the outside? What do I have to let go of in my life to love them on the outside?  If you don’t give judgment, you can give compassion and love.

 

LIVE IT OUT

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IN OUR COMMUNITY, ESPECIALLY THOSE OUTSIDE OF THE CHURCH, IF WE STOPPED JUDGING THEM?

 

PRAY:  As you end your time together ask God to convict you through the week to notice how you are responding to the directives of this passage.  Who do you need to confront in your church family?  Who do you need to stop holding to your value system that doesn’t ascribe to your faith foundation?  Ask God to forgive you for past judgments you have held over others outside of the Church and to bring to mind ways to love them in place of the fear you’ve held onto.