Month: January 2014

Ephesians 5:15-21 // Strategy For Sex-Ess: Beautiful Mess Wk 4

Introduction // 5 minutes

What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever received?

Sample answers may include…

  • Always be yourself
  • Honesty is the best policy
  • Develop good listening skills
  • Stand by each other no matter what

 

Observation // 10 minutes

Read Ephesians 5:15-21

What does wise living look like?

Sample answers may include…

  • Looking carefully at how you live (v.15)
  • Using your time well (v.16)
  • Living every moment with care (v.17)
  • Understanding what God wants you to do (v.17)
  • Being controlled/directed by the Holy Spirit (v.18)
  • Choosing to live a lifestyle of worship (v.19)
  • Living full of thanksgiving (v.20)
  • Submitting to, preferring others (v.21)

 

Understanding // 10 minutes

Where do you see wise living?  Where don’t you see it?

Leader Note:  Frame this question in the context of relationships.  The aim here is for the group to consider where they see this passage in real world terms.  Lead them to “look out” and think about where they’ve seen this passage on display in the lives of others.

 

Application // 15 minutes

Where are you currently living wisely in your relationships? Where aren’t’ you and what changes can you make?

Leader Note: You may simply ask in light of your past or your future hopes in your relationships “What’s the wise thing for me to do?” Most people have a tendency to run to the negatives – for some reason it is easier to confess relationship weaknesses than claim strengths. If your group stays on the negative, you can take this opportunity to affirm others in areas of their relationships that you have witnessed as strengths.

Commentary:  It’s very easy to allow things such as pride, anger, selfishness and entitlement to direct how we live.  The passage tells us that wise living is fueled by our connection to the Holy Spirit.  When we are connected to the Holy Spirit we become more aware of God’s will and are empowered to live how He wants us to.  We also become thankful worshippers looking to serve and prefer others above ourselves.

 

Live It Out // 5 minutes

What if we lived this out? How might our relationships be changed?

Leader Note: As we intentionally try to create health in our relationships, there may be resistance from the other person.  If you sense this is something group members have experienced, remind them that we are to live in obedience to God through the power of the Holy Spirit.  We cannot control the reactions or behaviors of others.  We work to improve relationships, but the ultimate outcome is in God’s hands.  Trust that He is working.

Prayer: If your group has just revealed some relationship and relational problems they have in their lives, it may be a good idea to come around them and pray for them. Pray that God will supernaturally heal those relationships that seem beyond repair and that each heart will be open to forgive and to forgiveness. Pray for willing spirits of reconciliation and cooperation in ongoing relationships.

1 Corinthians 6:12-20 // Sexology: Beautiful Mess Wk 3

Introduction // 5 minutes

What are some of your favorite super bowl commercials?

Leader Note:  While your group may not reference one of the more “proactive” ads (i.e. Go Daddy, Cindy Crawford/Pepsi, Kate Upton/Carl’s Jr.) try to find a natural transition from commercials and sex to set up the discussion.

 

Observation // 10 minutes

Read 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

What do you learn about the power of sex?

Sample Answers May Include…

  • Some say it’s the reason they were created (v.13)
  • It unites two individuals into one (v.15)
  • If Christ is in us we also unite Him to the other individual, in this case a prostitute (v.15)
  • Sexual sin is so power we must run from it (v.18)
  • It affects the whole person, not just the body (v.18)

What else has that kind power in the passage? Explain where you see it.

God

  • Reigns over food – stomach (v.13)
  • He created our bodies; they were made for Him (v.14)
  • He will raise us from the dead, just as He raised Jesus (v.14)

Our Bodies

  • They are parts of Christ (v.15)
  • Can be joined with Christ or people/prostitute (v.15)
  • Uniting with Christ makes us one with His spirit (v.17)
  • They are the very temple of the Holy Spirit, they house God! (v.18)
  • They have the ability to honor God (v.20)

 

Understanding // 15 minutes

What does the world say about sexual immorality?

Commentary: Sexual immorality relates to any sex outside of marriage or the misuse of God’s design for sex.  Jesus also makes it clear that sexual immorality goes beyond the physical act and is an issue of the mind and heart, i.e. lust, fantasy, pornography (Matthew 5:28).

Sample Answers May Include

  • Sex doesn’t damage you, it’s your body do what you want
  • It’s unnatural to put your desires in a box
  • It’s just physical, not emotional or spiritual, there is no permanent bonding
  • Your body is your own, freedom to do and express
  • Sex is equal to our Identity
  • Your desires are the most important part of forming who you are

What does it look like when people live out those beliefs?

Sample Answers May Include

  • People view others as a means to an end for their desires
  • Lack of intimacy, commitment in relationships
  • Your urges become the most important thing
  • Destroys relationships, lack of trust

 

Application // 20 minutes

What are some practical ways for me to flee from sexual immorality?

Leader Note:  While it isn’t necessary (or recommended) to have your group identify sexual sin they struggle with, you should consider ways to avoid sexual temptation that could lead to problems.  Talk about business travel, movies on late night television, lack of filters on computers, etc.  For singles – consider dates that end up in compromising places, talk about how you can come to an understanding with the person you are dating in regards to purity during dating.  If you have time you may also consider splitting up into men and women’s groups.

 

Live It Out // 5 minutes

How might your relationships be impacted by your decision to live sexually pure?

Leader Note: Be sure to make it clear that while we must decide and resolve to live this way that we are incapable of making this change without the power of the Holy Spirit.

Prayer: As you end your time together pray for courage and strength to put sex in a proper view… that is as a powerful and wonderful gift given and designed by God.  Pray that your desire for relationship with God and to keep control over your body will give you the incentive you need to run from sexual sin.

1 Corinthians 13 // Love Actually: Beautiful Mess Wk 2

Introduction // 5 minutes

What’s your favorite romantic movie?

Leader Note: Follow up this question by asking something like, “what were the qualities of the movie you connected with” or “what was the message of love in the movie?”

Observation // 15 minutes

Read 1 Corinthians 13

What are the qualities that make up love?

Leader Note: Have your group list the qualities/characteristics and ask them to define each in their own words.  You may choose to either go through and make the whole list and then come back and define each one or define them as you identify them.

Sample Answers May Include…

  • Love is patient – the Greek term means, “to absorb the blow” or “withstand the heat.”
  • Love is kind
  • Love is not jealous
  • Love is not boastful
  • Love is not proud
  • Love is not rude
  • Love does not demand its own way
  • Love is not irritable
  • Love is not keeping a record of being wronged
  • Love does not rejoice about injustice
  • Love does rejoice when truth wins out
  • Love never gives up
  • Love never loses faith
  • Love is always hopeful
  • Love endures through every circumstance
  • Love will last forever
  • Love is even greater than hope and faith

Understanding // 15 minutes

Commentary: Before asking this question remind your group of Kenton’s point on expectations vs. behavior and how there is most often a significant gap between the two, especially in relationships.  While most will agree that love is the greatest component in a healthy relationship, conflict arises when one person’s expectation of love is not meet.  In other words there is a gap created in expectations and behavior.

Where do people get their expectations of love?

Sample Answers May Include…

  • From their parents
  • TV, movies, Disneyland ect…
  • Church, the bible
  • Culture and society
  • Our own brokenness and or desires

How have you seen people respond when those expectations aren’t meet?

Sample Answers May Include…

  • Frustration
  • Blame
  • Anger
  • Search for their expectations to meet somewhere else
  • Guilt

Application // 20 minutes

How do you respond when your expectations of love aren’t meet?

What could it look like for you to believe the best in those moments?

Commentary: When the behavior doesn’t meet our expectation we are left to do one of two things in that gap… assume the worst, or believe the best of the other person.  Here are a couple of examples to help illustrate this point…

Scenario 1

Linda grew up with a dad that could fix anything. Her Husband however, doesn’t fix things nor does he seem to anticipate when things are broken.  Linda has a choice.

Assume the Worst:  You don’t even care and you won’t even try.  You’re not good enough, you’re lazy and half the man my Dad was.

Believe the Best:  My Dad loved me by “fixing” things, but you don’t have to love me the same way. We can let others fix things.  I feel loved by the way you care for our family and home even if it looks different.

Scenario 2

Kelly’s husband schedules things on their calendar without telling her.  Kelly can..

Assume the Worst:  He is excluding me, intentionally leaving me out.  He doesn’t see me as partner or value my insight.

Believe the Best:  When he see’s something that needs to be done, he does it on the spot.  While it can be frustrating for me, I appreciate that he notices what needs to be done.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

What would happen if we started believing the best in relationships rather than assuming the worst? What would the impact be with our family, friends neighbors?

Prayer:  Lord we thank you that you model for us perfect love in your son Jesus.  Help us to love in the same self-giving, patient and life giving fashion in our relationships.  Teach us how to honor you in our relationships with thankfulness and empower us to display your glory in the love we love one another.  Amen

Genesis 1:26-28, 2:2-9 // Desire or Design: Beautiful Mess Wk 1

Introduction // 10 minutes

Spend the first moments of your time together this week recapping the holidays

Leader Note:  Be on the look out for stories that connect to this weeks topic of relationships.  Chances are the majority of your group members spent time with family.  Listen for examples of challenging family dynamics to help set up your discussion. 

Observation // 15 minutes

Read Genesis 1:26-28, 2:7-9

What do we share in common with God?

Sample Answers May Include…

  • The ability to create (v 1:26, 28)
  • Capacity for relationships. “Let us make…” is a reference to the persons of the trinity (v 1:26)
  • Image and likeness, carry His nature and ability to reflect His glory (v 1:26)
  • Authority and rule over creation (v1: 26,28)
  • Created out of and for relationship (v 1:27)
  • Man and woman are given relationship as a partnership to exercise rule and express creativity (v 1:27-28)
  • Not only created by God but carries of His life (v 2:7)
  • In carrying God’s life we are thinking, rational, able to evaluate life’s purpose and morality (v 2:8-9)

Leader Note:  Lead your group to see that the foundational commonality between humans and God is that we are His image bears. All that God is; loving, creative, self-giving, holy ect… we carry because His life is in us.  We not only carry these things but we are called to express them, especially through our relationships.

Understanding // 15 minutes

What does it look like when people display the image of God in their relationships?

Sample Answers May Include…

  • We’re self giving, put others before ourselves
  • Partner with one another, caring for what we have been entrusted with
  • The relationship will be rooted in love and sacrifice
  • Produces good things, it’s life giving for all involved

What does it look like when they don’t? 

Sample Answers May Include…

  • Abuse, self-seeking
  • Self-promoting
  • Fails to consider the other persons concerns and needs
  • Uses people for own agenda
  • It’s draining and not life giving
  • Lack of trust, full of suspicion

Application // 20 minutes

Where in your relationships do you struggle to display God’s image?

Leader Note: Use care in asking this question as the other party on the receiving end of the person’s struggles may be in the room.  Now is not the time to counsel or solve.  Simply let the person take inventory and wrestle with the question then ask the follow up Application Question below.

What could it look like to be free from those things?

Leader Note: The first step for many is too allow for vulnerability in our relationships.  When we become vulnerable we often become more honest with our selves and with others.  Honesty and vulnerability lead to trust and increases our willingness to live sacrificially in relationship with others.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

What if God’s image became more visible in our relationships?  What might the impact be?

Commentary: Our world is starving for something different.  With brokenness and self-fishiness becoming the norm in relationships dream together about the possibility of allowing your relationships to become one of the greatest and most effective testimonies for God’s grace and presence in our world.