Date: January 26-27, 2013
Series: Relationology
Message: Marriage by Design
Passages: Various
INTRODUCTION – 5 MINUTES
What are the best romantic movie lines?
Leader note: This should just be fun. One way would be to read some from the list below and see if people can guess the movie. Or you can just let people shout out the lines they remember.
- “You had me at ‘hello’” Jerry Maguire
- “I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you” Dirty Dancing
- The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That’s what I hope to give you forever.” The Notebook
- “I love you. You… you complete me.” Jerry Maguire
- “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” When Harry Met Sally
- “No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.” Gone with the Wind
- ““Oh, it’s nobody’s fault but my own! I was looking up… it was the nearest thing to heaven! You were there…” An Affair to Remember
- “Love is not a feeling, it’s an ability.” Dan in Real Life
- “You make me want to be a better man.” As Good as it Gets
- “I will love you my whole life. You and no other.” Braveheart
- “If I had one more night to live, I would want to spend it with you.” Pearl Harbor
OBSERVATION – 20 MINUTES
Read the following passages. What do you learn about God’s covenant love?
Leader note: As your group members answer follow up with, “Where do you see that?” Or, “What does that mean to you?” so that they can put it in their own words. Others can jump into the discussion and help them define as they read it. Remember this is a discussion, not one-on-one q&a.
Jeremiah 31:3
- Everlasting
- Never fails
- Draws, compels us towards it
Ephesians 1:4-5
- Before love – He knew in advance- love for you was a before (before love), ugly, sad, good, – it was decision He made
- Brought us to Himself through Jesus
- Gave him pleasure
- God’s choice
- Nothing we did, not based on what we do, no performance clause
Psalms 139:15-16
- He knows me completely
- Every choice, how long I’ll live,
- I’m valuable
- Created you – made your hair, your eyes, cute personality, your smile
- He never hides from you, and you can’t hide from Him
- God chose you and will continue to choose you no matter what
- God choosing you is bigger than you choosing against Him
1 John 4:9-10
- Reveals His love
- Gave up His only Son
- Sacrificed Him for us
- Loves me even when I don’t love Him back
- God gave up someone He loves a lot, His son,
- God’s love makes us alive
- Even when others are mad, God still loves
UNDERSTANDING – 20 MINUTES
What is the difference between a contract and covenant?
Leader note: Make a list of what you know about each – remember to look at the advantages and disadvantages of each. There is a follow up question to remind you to do that.
Contracts
- Can be broken when one person doesn’t live up to their end
- If this – then that
- Have to be agreed upon
- Engage the service of people
- Guaranteed by law
- Expire
- Performance based
Covenant
- Eternal, Forever
- Engage the people
- Can’t be broken
- Guaranteed by God
- Everyone is included
In relationships today, what are examples of contract thinking?
Leader note: As you think about this question, consider contrasting God’s covenant love with all other views of love there are. Some words that might get you thinking are “conditional” and “convenient”
- Score keeping
- I didn’t agree to this
- You’ve changed, right to renegotiate – or leave altogether
- You’re not living up to your end of the bargain
- At work, lose job
- Performance in sports – underperform can lose contract, over-perform renegotiate
- Pre-nups
- What I have to do/obligated
- Entitled, it’s part of the deal
What’s good about contracts?
- Security in contract
- More clarity
- Stick with something you might not otherwise
- They are more convenient
What’s the bad part of covenant love?
- Fear on covenant side – want credit, guilt themselves because they can’t give back
- Guilt – self atonement
- Can’t feel bad enough long enough
APPLICATION – 20 MINUTES
In your primary relationships where are you contract in your thinking? Where are you “covenant” in your thinking?
Leader note: For married couples, have them consider their own marriage. If you think it will bring out more vulnerable and honest answers you can have the couples discuss this last question together.
LIVE IT OUT
What would happen around us if we looked at all of our relationships as “covenant”?