Reset – Mariners Church Flow Questions

Ephesians 4:26-32 // Forgive It

Lean In // 5 minutes

What an item you’ve kept from your childhood?

Leader Note: Keep this question light as to engage everyone in your group. Think along the lines of toys, the baseball cards in your parents garage or stuff animal. Transition to the next question by saying something like… “while these things may be fun to think about, the reality is many of us carry things, past hurts and pains, that weigh us down. Let’s see what God’s word has to say about forgiveness.”

Look Down // 15 minutes

Read Ephesians 4:26-32

What do you learn about anger and forgiveness?

Sample answers may include…

Anger often leads to sin
Don’t allow anger to go unchecked, deal with it right away, put anger in it’s right place
Don’t let anger run out of control in your life, don’t let it run around,
Decide to deal with anger
Anger gives the devil an open door into our hearts, a space and a place
Anger grieves the Holy Spirit
Kindness and compassion is sign of forgiveness
Forgiveness is something we offer
We learn what forgiveness looks like form Jesus
We are called to forgive as Jesus forgave us

Look Out // 10 minutes

What does forgiveness look like, where have you seen it?

What does un-forgiveness look like, where have you seen it?

Leader Note: The aim of this question is to get your group thinking about where they have seen these principles play out in the real world. These questions should invite stories, and get the group thinking about the effects, both positive and negative, as they relate to forgiveness and un-forgiveness.

Look In // 20 minutes

Where have you held onto un-forgiveness?

What would it look like to forgive?

Leader Note: As you ask this question be sure to also highlight for your group what forgiveness is and what it is not. Again, be clear that this may not be the case in situation of abuse and violence.

Forgiveness is…

Motivation: God forgave me
You owe, I pay
Refusing isolation, bitterness and vengence
Trusting God to make it right

Forgiveness is not…

Excusing, justifying or denying
Pardoning, letting of consequences
I heal myself, anger, taking control
Ignoring the pain
Reconciliation. It takes one person to forgive but two to be reconciled

This is the gospel, recognizing our part in sin and admitting that we are helpless in making ourselves clean.

This is what God has done for us… “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

This is what God calls us to do… “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionated to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

Live it Out // 5 minutes

What would change in your relationships if you lived this way?

Click here for Life Group Serve Opportunities

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

Luke 6:37-42 // Own It

Lean In // 5 minutes

What is an excused you’ve used to get out of something?

Leader Note: Model this for your group by using story that is lighthearted and humorous. Encourage you’re group to get to story behind the excuse. From skipping out of helping a buddy move to avoiding the 4th kids birthday party in a row, most of us have come up with creative reasons why we can’t commit to people, places or things.

Look Down // 10 minutes

Read Luke 6:37-42

What do you learn about loving people?

Sample answers may include…

Loving people don’t judge or condemn others
Loving people forgive others
Loving people give to others
Loving people receive more based on how they express love to others, there’s a cause and effect
The loving thing to do is to first look at your own life before looking at others
Loving people want to help others, not judge them
Loving people want to help others because they have experienced freedom.
Loving people are motived by compassion, not judgment

Who are the blind in this passage and what do you learn about them?

Sample answers may include…

They focus on the faults of others
They are blind to their own failings
They judge and condemn to get the focus off themselves, not to help others
As the blind judge others the reveal something broken about themselves

Commentary: Draw your group’s attention to the correlation between the log and the speck. The sawdust in one person’s eye is directly related to the log in the other person’s eye. The log creates the sawdust just as our own faults or insecurities are often projected on others. The plank in our own eyes creates damage in others and causes us to have a skewed perspective on them.

Look Out // 10 minutes

What are some the reasons people shift blame? Where have you seen it?

Leader Note: Use care when asking and responding to this question. Don’t allow your group to turn to judgment of others. Pay special attention to the stories people share as often the things that agitate us are the things that we may also struggle with.

Look In // 20 minutes

Where have you struggled to own your part of blame in a situation?

Leader Note: This could be from a current situation or from the past. In both cases lead your group to see the importance of owning the ways we shift blame, or cover up our own misgivings. Refer your group back to the “circle of blame” illustration which points out the reality that are default is to own the bare minamium or no part at all of any given conflict.

What would it look like to own your part and ask for forgiveness?

Leader Note: As you ask this question be sure to also highlight for your group what forgiveness is and what it is not. Again, be clear that this may not be the case in situation of abuse and violence.

Forgiveness is…

Motivation: God forgave me
You owe, I pay
Refusing isolation, bitterness and vengence
Trusting God to make it right

Forgiveness is not…

Excusing, justifying or denying
Pardoning, letting of consequences
I heal myself, anger, taking control

Live It Out // 5 minutes

How would others be impacted if you lived this way?

Commentary: When we are able to deal with our areas of sin and pain we grow in compassion for those we called to encourage in their struggles. The promise of grace and freedom become our motivation, not judgment and condemnation.

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

Romans 12:1-2 // Reset Your Thinking

Lean In // 5 minutes

What’s an item you can’t live without?

Sample answers…

My smartphone, tablet
Navigation system
Coffee maker
My car
My new boots, clothes
Netflix
Wireless internet
Electricity

Leader Note: You many want to ask a follow up question here… “what was your life like before those things?” Transition your group by staying something like, “it’s funny how quickly our thinking can change. Once we have something in our daily life we can’t imagine a world without, when in reality we lived without these things and did just fine. Let’s see what this verse has to say about how our worship and thinking affect the way we live.”

Look Down // 15 minutes

Read Romans 12:1-2

What do you learn about a life of worship?

Sample answers…

Worship starts with looking at God’s mercy
Worship is living sacrificially
Sacrificial worship pleases God
There are types of worship that are true and types that aren’t
It involves us looking and thinking differently
Worship involves a renewing or resetting of our minds from the ways of the world
It changes the way we see and think about things, enables us to see and learn God’s will

Look Out // 10 minutes

What are the “If I only” statements people make?

Sample answers…

If I only could find the right person then I would be happy
If I only had more money then I would be secure
If I only had that job then I would feel powerful
If I only had more friends then I would feel important and loved
If I only lived in that neighborhood then I would be content
If I only looked like them then I would feel valuable

Leader Note: Lead your group to see the ways that we depend on outside circumstances to change the way we feel about ourselves and how others see us. Jesus comes to offer us an entirely new way of thinking. A way of right worship that puts God in His proper view. A way of worship that completely flips our thinking on its head.

Look In // 20 minutes

Leader Note: In his message, Kenton challenged us to look through the following seven statements and identify which ones resonate personally with us. These statements represent the lies we believe in life that most often lead to a “What Was I Thinking” moment.

Lead your group through this next section by asking them to identify the statement or statements that they have or currently are holding on to. Each statement starts with a lie that is followed up with a truth statement that you’ll want to walk people through with care and grace.

Where are you living out these statements and what would it look like to allow God to transform your thinking?

1. If I find the right person, everything will be all right // Become the right person

2. My situation is unique // You are unique, your situation is not

3. It’s not right but it makes me happy…God wants me to be happy // If it is not right…it is not going to turn out right

4. If I only had ____________ I would be satisfied // Appetites are never fully and finally satisfied

5. I owe is better than I want // It is better to want than to owe

6. My secret is safe with me // Secrets leak

7. Sex will solve it // Sex will complicate it

Live It Out // 5 minutes

How would your transformed thinking affect others?

Leader Note: For instance, if we are living this way it will show in our lifestyle, how we treat people, teachers, coaches. It will impact our community.

Key Verse: Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2

Key Thought: Reset your thinking

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

1 Samuel 16:1-7 // Beautiful And Brave

Lean In // 5 minutes

Women, would you rather be Miss America or Madam President? Men, would you rather be Mr. Universe or Mr. President?

Leader Note: Create some banter back and forth here. Ask people to defend their answers. For fun have a some people take sides to argue why their position is better.

Look Down // 10 minutes

Read 1 Samuel 16:1-7 and 1 Peter 3:3-4

What do you learn about beauty?

Sample answers…

We look outwardly
We consider outward beauty to be an indication of status
God’s value system of beauty is different than ours
God looks at the heart
Beauty does not come from what we “put on” or what we have
Beauty of the heart lasts, it never fades
God values gentleness and humility

Look Out // 15 minutes

What does it look like to use the world’s standard of beauty, where have you seen it?

What does it look like to use God’s standard of beauty, where have you seen it?

Look In // 25 minutes

Where have you used the world’s standards of beauty on yourself?

Leader Note: After this question lead you group through a time of affirming and calling out beauty in one another.

Set this up by saying something like… “Many of us have been feed a string of lies concerning our beauty and worth. As we go through life it becomes easy to believe those lies and lose sight of the way God see’s us. We’re going to take time now to speak truth over one-another by calling out the beauty we see and affirming the truth of how God sees each of us.”

Here’s a sample of what this could look like…

“Jane, you are beautiful. God calls you His loved daughter. He has placed within you His very image. You are His masterpiece, created by Him and for Him. We have seen the way you serve and care for others, for your family. The life you live is a reflection of the very beauty God has placed in you. We replace every lie that has been spoken over you, every thought that comes to steal and destroy what God has given you with the truth of God’s word. We proclaim God’s healing and freedom in Jesus Name.”

Do this one at a time, asking the person who is being affirmed to say back what they hear when the group is done. It takes time for truth to sink in and we often don’t hear it the first time! If that’s the case speak those words again in love and ask them again what they heard. If you have a large group you may want to consider splitting up between men and women in order to save time.

Key Verse: The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

Key Thought: God’s standard of beauty is different than the world’s

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

Ezra 9:8-9 // Beauty Out Of Ruins

Lean In // 5 minutes

What was the last thing you ruined?

Leader Note: Remember to get your entire group talking here. The more they share at the lean in the more likely they will be to share all the way through the discussion. Set the tone to this question by modeling it yourself… keep this answer on the “lighter side.” Think of a commercial situation like the ones listed in the sample answers. Transition your group to the next section by saying something like… “Ruins are inevitable, as is the promise of God to never leave us or forsake us, despite the messiness of life.”

Clothes in the wash
Burnt dinner
Lego tower
Car accident
iPhone incident

Look Down // 10 minutes

Read Ezra 9:8-9

Commentary Note: The people of God were carried away into captivity in Babylon and God’s house was destroyed. However, Ezra and a remnant have been allowed to return some generations later to rebuild the house of God in Jerusalem. These verses are part of a prayer offered by Ezra on behalf of God’s people. They are standing among the ruins of God’s house praising God for the opportunity to join Him in the restoration of His house. Just one generation before, this would have been unimaginable to the people and yet God promised He would do it.

What does God give His people in the midst of ruins?

Sample answers could include:

Firm place
Grace
Revival
Light
Relief
His presence, “he has not bonded us”
The ability to still see Him at work… “brightened our eyes”
His influence… “he caused the kings of Persia to treat us favorably”
Gives us a purpose and strength to complete that purpose… “He revived us so we could rebuild the Temple of our God”

Look Out // 10 minutes

What do the ruins of someone’s life look like?

Leader Note: Remember at this point you are asking your group to respond to where they see this passage at work in the world around them. You want your group to look out, meaning outside of their own story. Where have they seen this in the lives of others, what stories can they share?

Divorce
Addiction
Debt
Bankruptcy
Foreclosure
Adultery

Where have you seen hope come from ruins?

Restored marriages
Recovery
Reconciled friendships
Family’s coming back together

Look In // 20 minutes

Where do you need ruins restored?

Leader note: The category of “ruins” pertaining to our lives is a difficult subject. In mixed gender groups this might be an opportunity to break off women with women etc. The hope is that we will be prompted to deal both with ruins we have yet to declare a need for restoration and ruins God is in the midst of restoring. James 5:15-16 tells us that we are forgiven and confession brings healing. Also, recall the context of Ezra 9:8-9 – a prayer of confession and thanksgiving offered by God’s people. When group members share remember to lean in and listen. This is the best offering the group can give in the moment! Offering any Care & Recovery Resources can happen generally at the end of group or offline in a private conversation.

What would your life look like with ruins restored?

Live It Out // 5 minutes

How might you live differently with restored ruins? Who else could you impact?

Key Verse: Though we are slaves, our God has not forsaken us in our bondage…He has granted us new life to rebuild the house of our God and repair its ruins… Ezra 9:9

Key Thought: Humanity takes what is glorious and ruins it. God takes what is ruined and makes it glorious.

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

Romans 8:11-17 // Reset Wk 3

Lean In // 5 minutes

If you could have one superpower what would it be and why?

Leader Note: Do your best to get everyone to answer this amusing question. Remember the more people talk in the beginning the more likely they are to stay engaged throughout the discussion.

Look Down // 10 minutes

Read Romans 8:11-17

What do you learn about God’s Spirit?

Sample answers may include

God’s Spirit raised Christ from the dead (v.11)
God’s Spirit is alive in us (v.11)
God’s Spirit gives us life and power now (v.11)
We can choose to live by God’s Spirit or our sinful nature (v.12-13)
Living by God’s spirit puts to death the ways of our flesh (v.13)
It is God’s Spirit leading us that identifies us as God’s children (v.14,16)
God’s Spirit does not make us fearful or slaves (v.15)
God gives us His Spirit, we don’t earn it (v.15)
God’s Spirit causes us to be heirs together with Christ, we share in His glory and we also share in His suffering (v.17)

Look Out // 10 minutes

Where have you seen people hold on to dead things?

Where have you seen people experience new life?

Leader Note: This can work its self out in a number of ways. Unforgiveness, regret, fear pain and shame can often be seen as our “just deserved” outcome for our actions that we come to accept death as the only reality.

Look In // 20 minutes

Where are you in need of God’s Spirit to bring a dead thing to life?

Live It Out // 5 minutes

Who could you impact by living in the power of God’s Sprit?

Leader Note: Read the first half of verse 11 again to your group. God’s spirit brings us life, freedom and healing. Our call as Christ followers is to then live out those things for the sake of others. Challenge your group to think about where God is calling them to live out new life… what could that look like, what could the impact be?

Key Verse: For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.. Romans 8:14

Key Thought: God’s Spirit in us brings life and freedom!

Click here for Life Group Serve Opportunities

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

Jonah 4 // Ignite

Lean In // 5 minutes

What was a close encounter with a creature where you lived to tell the tale?

Leader Note: The question is designed to be fun although there may be some scary encounter stories! Use the question to transition to the story of Jonah.

Look Down // 10 minutes

Read Jonah 4

Story Note: In the first three chapters, we learn how Jonah was sent by God to warn the people of Nineveh that God was going to judge them. Rather than go, Jonah chose to flee in the opposite direction, because the Assyrians were cruel and wicked. Jonah boarded a ship that was bound for the city of Tarshish when a great storm came in a time of the year that the storms do not happen. The sailors finally agreed at Jonah’s request to throw him overboard, and when they did a great fish, prepared by God, swallowed Jonah. After a period of three days and three nights, Jonah repented and obeyed the Lord. Then, Jonah came to the land of the Assyrians and pronounced God’s judgment upon Nineveh, and as a result the people of Nineveh repented at the preaching of Jonah and God spared the city. This is where we pick up chapter 4…

What do learn about Jonah?

Sample answers could include:

He becomes angry that God did not destroy the Ninevites
Jonah would rather have died than be a part of God reconciling Nineveh
Jonah’s anger and bitterness clouded his vision

What do you learn about God’s nature?

Sample answers could include:

God was patient with both Nineveh and Jonah
God’s desire is to extend mercy rather than destruction
God is gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love (v. 2)
God has great concern for the lost and wicked

Commentary: Jonah had good reason to disobey and run from God’s command. The Ninevites were cruel and wicked and caused much pain and difficulty for Jonah and his people. However, as the passage tells us, Jonah was resistant not because the Ninevites were cruel and wicked, but because he knew God is a God of grace, compassion, slow to anger, abounding in love, and relents from sending destruction. This context is important to understanding Jonah’s motive for withholding grace and compassion from the Ninevites.

Look Out // 10 minutes

Where have you seen compassion extended to others? What does it look like?

Where have you seen compassion withheld? What keeps people from extending it?

Leader Note: In Israel’s story, God had extended compassion toward them, which included Jonah, but then Jonah was not as willing to extend it to the Ninevites. Help guide group members to specific examples and stories of where they have seen compassion extended and withheld.

Look In // 20 minutes

Who are the Ninevites in your life?

Leader note: In Jonah’s story, the Ninevites were people that caused hurt and pain for Jonah and his people. So, who are the people that have caused hurt and pain in our lives? As the leader, it will be helpful to have some examples and stories from your own life to help your group identify these people and places in their own lives.

What could it look like to extend compassion to them?

Leader note: Help group members find one or two tangible things they could do to move toward extending compassion. It could be as simple as saying a prayer or even initiating a conversation. The goal is to move toward an actionable step.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

Who might be impacted by extending grace to the difficult people and places in your life?

Key Verse: I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. – Jonah 4:2

Key Thought:

Click here for Life Group Serve Opportunities

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

Galatians 5:1-15 // Ready, Set, Reset

Lean In // 5 minutes

Describe your ideal vacation

Leader Note: Watch for the kinds activities people list. Some will be all about the poolside rest while others find rest in activities. Transition your group by saying something like… “while we may all live out our vacations differently there’s one thing we can agree on, vacations are a time for space, connection, rest and hopefully freedom! Today we’ll look at what the bible says about true freedom.”

Look Down // 15 minutes

What do you learn about freedom?

Sample answers…

Christ sets us free, freedom comes only from Him
Freedom can be lost
Freedom can be lost when we return to old ways/habits, the law
We fall into traps of needing to earn and prove our freedom
Freedom can’t be obtain by outward expressions, we can’t “do things” to prove our freedom
Working to earn freedom cuts us of from Christ and God’s grace
Freedom involves faith and waiting, or resting
Freedom puts faith in the the things God has promised
Freedom is an expression of love, the love and grace we receive from Christ
God calls us into freedom
Little things matter when it comes to freedom. When we mix even a little of our mistrust in God’s promises we are in jeopardy of missing Christ’s freedom entirely
The idea of simply receiving freedom from Christ is revolutionary and upsetting to many
Freedom must be expresses in serving others, freedom is just for us, it needs to be expressed through us

Look Out // 15 minutes

Describe the freest person you know? What makes them appear free?

Leader Note: Set the tone to this question by giving examples of people who seem to live a “care-free” life, untethered by overwhelming responsibilities or obligations. This is typically what our culture looks to when describing freedom.

Sample answers…

Someone with little to no responsibilities
They live for themselves, don’t care about the option of others
They have enough money to make their own choices, based on what they want
They get to do the things they want and don’t have to do the things they don’t want to do
They have an abundance of time

Commentary: Be it a child, a free-spirited no attachments wander or the multi-millionaire, when we think of freedom we most often associate it as state where we are free to do whatever we want, whenever we want it. This freedom places our wants and desires at the center with little or no regard for the affairs of others.

What does it look like to have freedom in Christ? Where have you seen in?

Sample answers…

Defined by what Christ did not what I do
The awareness to know that you are unconditionally love
I know there’s forgiveness when I sin
Defined by how Christ see’s me and not how others see him
I can extend what I have been give because I have recived so much
Frees me from worry, needing to prove or show my worth
Unmoved by circumstances, rest in who God is and what He has down
Willing to serve others with no need for recognition or praise
Freedom in Christ moves us from a me first mentality to an others first focus

Look In // 20 minutes

Where do you feel the pull to earn your freedom in Christ?

Commentary: The passage clearly tells us that freedom is found in Christ alone. Yet for many, (if not all of us!) we tend to fall into the trap of needing to show we are worthy of receiving Christ’s freedom for busying ourselves with “spiritual activity” to show that we are truly free. Freedom is something that is giving and when it’s expressed it’s not for show our for our own benefit. Freedom is best expressed in serving and loving others.

Sample answers….

Have to read my bible everyday
Spending more time in prayer
Go to church every Sunday
I am measured by what I do, what I produce, I need to be good enough
Need to be perfect, have perfect kids, a conflict free life
Looking to be validated by others, commended for how “good I am”
My work ethic, work harder, work more so others will think highly of me

What do you need to believe about yourself and God to combat that pull and how would that belief impact your life?

Leader Note: It may be helpful to direct your group back to the passage at this point, asking them to identify with a line or two that they need to hold onto. Then ask, what would change in you, what would change in how you view yourself and others if you held onto that truth?

Live it Out // 5 minutes

Who could you impact by living a “freedom in Christ life?”

Key Verse: For you have been called to live in freedom. – Galatians 5:13

Key Thought: Freedom is found in who Christ is and what He has done for us

Click here for Life Group Serve Opportunities

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.