Lean In // 5 minutes
What makes you angry?
Sample answers may include…
- Waiting at the DMV
- Traffic – getting cut off
- Kids disobedience
- Vandalism
- Poor restaurant service
Leader Note: Pay attention to each person’s answer, as it more than likely will give insight into the area they struggle with themselves.
Leader Note: Transition your group to the text by saying something like… “Anger is nothing new! It’s one of the human emotions that has always been around and will continue to exist. Let’s look together and what Jesus has to say about anger.”
Look Down // 10 minutes
What is the danger of anger?
Sample answers may include…
- Makes us subject to judgment
- Puts our souls is in jeopardy
- Brings hell to earth
- Enslaves us
- Destroys relationships
- Creates crippling debt
- There’s danger in thinking types of anger are ok, just words or thoughts
What does Jesus say about dealing with anger?
Sample answers may include..
- Dealing with anger is a priority, before we offer our worship
- It’s personal and requires an action “go and be reconciled to that person”
- Deal with it quickly, don’t let it linger, build loving relationships now
- The longer you let it go the more accountable you become
Look Out // 10 minutes
What does it look like to have anger under control?
Sample answers may include…
- Keeping it to yourself, frustration
- When it’s restrained, not expressed outwardly
- Words muttered under your breath
- When it’s a one time event
- When it’s masked with sarcastic or coupled with humor
What does it look like to loose control of anger?
Sample answers may include..
- When it turns violent, physical
- Slander, using words to inflict pain, cursing
- When it’s repetitive
Leader Note: Another way to frame this question is… “how far is too far with anger?” The point of this question is have your group wrestle with the idea of “How good is good enough.” Throughout the sermon on the mount Jesus combats this idea that there are managble and measurable lines that make us holy and un-holy.
Look In // 20 minutes
Where have you tolerated anger?
Leader Note: Another way to ask this question may be… “Where have you allowed anger to take hold of you?” You’re looking for personal examples, relationships and situations here. Model and encourage honesty by being the first to answer this question.
Where have you been the offender?
Leader Note: Set up this question by first drawing your groups attention to the two illustrations Jesus uses in verses 23 – 25. Notice that in both examples Jesus illustrates the person as the one who has caused the offense… “someone has something against you” and “your accuser.” Jesus is very intentional in these examples. Letting go of anger requires taking ownership of where we have played the part of the “offender.” In this we move past blame and resentment and move toward honesty, vulnerability and forgiveness.
Leader Note: Tie this in with the above response. Challenge yourself and your group to think about their part as the offender, where and how they have have instigated or held onto to anger. Of course this may not be the case in situations of abuse and violence. Use care and caution as you move forward with this question.
What would it look like to ask for forgiveness?
Leader Note: As you ask this question be sure to also highlight for your group what forgiveness is and what it is not. Again, be clear that this may not be the case in situation of abuse and violence.
Forgiveness is…
- Motivation: God forgave me
- You owe, I pay
- Refusing isolation, bitterness and vengence
- Trusting God to make it right
Forgiveness is not…
- Excusing, justifying or denying
- Pardoning, letting of consequences
- I heal myself, anger, taking control
- Reconciliation. It takes one person to forgive but two to be reconciled
This is the gospel, recognizing our part in sin and admitting that we are helpless in making ourselves clean.
This is what God has done for us
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
This is what God calls us to do
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionated to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
Live it Out // 5 minutes
What would change in your relationships if you lived this way?
Key Verse(s): “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! Matthew 5:21-22
Key Thought: In order to deal with anger we need to see our part as the offender and take the humble posture of seeking out forgiveness,
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Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.
