Tag: forgiveness

Ephesians 4:26-32 // Forgive It

Lean In // 5 minutes

What an item you’ve kept from your childhood?

Leader Note: Keep this question light as to engage everyone in your group. Think along the lines of toys, the baseball cards in your parents garage or stuff animal. Transition to the next question by saying something like… “while these things may be fun to think about, the reality is many of us carry things, past hurts and pains, that weigh us down. Let’s see what God’s word has to say about forgiveness.”

 

Look Down // 15 minutes

Read Ephesians 4:26-32

What do you learn about anger and forgiveness?

Sample answers may include…

  • Anger often leads to sin
  • Don’t allow anger to go unchecked, deal with it right away, put anger in it’s right place
  • Don’t let anger run out of control in your life, don’t let it run around,
  • Decide to deal with anger
  • Anger gives the devil an open door into our hearts, a space and a place
  • Anger grieves the Holy Spirit
  • Kindness and compassion is sign of forgiveness
  • Forgiveness is something we offer
  • We learn what forgiveness looks like form Jesus
  • We are called to forgive as Jesus forgave us

 

Look Out // 10 minutes

What does forgiveness look like, where have you seen it?

What does un-forgiveness look like, where have you seen it?

Leader Note: The aim of this question is to get your group thinking about where they have seen these principles play out in the real world. These questions should invite stories, and get the group thinking about the effects, both positive and negative, as they relate to forgiveness and un-forgiveness.

 

Look In // 20 minutes

Where have you held onto un-forgiveness?

What would it look like to forgive?

Leader Note: As you ask this question be sure to also highlight for your group what forgiveness is and what it is not. Again, be clear that this may not be the case in situation of abuse and violence.

Forgiveness is… 

  • Motivation: God forgave me
  • You owe, I pay
  • Refusing isolation, bitterness and vengence
  • Trusting God to make it right

 Forgiveness is not…

  • Excusing, justifying or denying
  • Pardoning, letting of consequences
  • I heal myself, anger, taking control
  • Ignoring the pain
  • Reconciliation. It takes one person to forgive but two to be reconciled

This is the gospel, recognizing our part in sin and admitting that we are helpless in making ourselves clean.

This is what God has done for us… “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

This is what God calls us to do… “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionated to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

 

Live it Out // 5 minutes

What would change in your relationships if you lived this way?

Click here for Life Group Serve Opportunities

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

Luke 6:37-42 // Own It

Lean In // 5 minutes

What is an excused you’ve used to get out of something?

Leader Note: Model this for your group by using story that is lighthearted and humorous. Encourage you’re group to get to story behind the excuse. From skipping out of helping a buddy move to avoiding the 4th kids birthday party in a row, most of us have come up with creative reasons why we can’t commit to people, places or things.

 

Look Down // 10 minutes

Read Luke 6:37-42

What do you learn about loving people?

Sample answers may include…

  • Loving people don’t judge or condemn others
  • Loving people forgive others
  • Loving people give to others
  • Loving people receive more based on how they express love to others, there’s a cause and effect
  • The loving thing to do is to first look at your own life before looking at others
  • Loving people want to help others, not judge them
  • Loving people want to help others because they have experienced freedom.
  • Loving people are motived by compassion, not judgment

Who are the blind in this passage and what do you learn about them?

Sample answers may include…

  • They focus on the faults of others
  • They are blind to their own failings
  • They judge and condemn to get the focus off themselves, not to help others
  • As the blind judge others the reveal something broken about themselves

Commentary: Draw your group’s attention to the correlation between the log and the speck. The sawdust in one person’s eye is directly related to the log in the other person’s eye. The log creates the sawdust just as our own faults or insecurities are often projected on others. The plank in our own eyes creates damage in others and causes us to have a skewed perspective on them.

 

Look Out // 10 minutes

What are some the reasons people shift blame? Where have you seen it?

Leader Note: Use care when asking and responding to this question. Don’t allow your group to turn to judgment of others. Pay special attention to the stories people share as often the things that agitate us are the things that we may also struggle with.

 

Look In // 20 minutes

Where have you struggled to own your part of blame in a situation?

Leader Note: This could be from a current situation or from the past. In both cases lead your group to see the importance of owning the ways we shift blame, or cover up our own misgivings. Refer your group back to the “circle of blame” illustration which points out the reality that are default is to own the bare minamium or no part at all of any given conflict.

What would it look like to own your part and ask for forgiveness?

Leader Note: As you ask this question be sure to also highlight for your group what forgiveness is and what it is not. Again, be clear that this may not be the case in situation of abuse and violence.

Forgiveness is…

  • Motivation: God forgave me
  • You owe, I pay
  • Refusing isolation, bitterness and vengence
  • Trusting God to make it right

Forgiveness is not…

  • Excusing, justifying or denying
  • Pardoning, letting of consequences
  • I heal myself, anger, taking control

Live It Out // 5 minutes

How would others be impacted if you lived this way?

Commentary: When we are able to deal with our areas of sin and pain we grow in compassion for those we called to encourage in their struggles. The promise of grace and freedom become our motivation, not judgment and condemnation.

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.

Matthew 5:21-26 // The Anger Games

Lean In // 5 minutes

What makes you angry?

Sample answers may include…

  • Waiting at the DMV
  • Traffic – getting cut off
  • Kids disobedience
  • Vandalism
  • Poor restaurant service

Leader Note: Pay attention to each person’s answer, as it more than likely will give insight into the area they struggle with themselves.

Leader Note: Transition your group to the text by saying something like… “Anger is nothing new! It’s one of the human emotions that has always been around and will continue to exist. Let’s look together and what Jesus has to say about anger.”

Look Down // 10 minutes

Read Matthew 5:21-26

What is the danger of anger?

Sample answers may include…

  • Makes us subject to judgment
  • Puts our souls is in jeopardy
  • Brings hell to earth
  • Enslaves us
  • Destroys relationships
  • Creates crippling debt
  • There’s danger in thinking types of anger are ok, just words or thoughts

What does Jesus say about dealing with anger?

Sample answers may include..

  • Dealing with anger is a priority, before we offer our worship
  • It’s personal and requires an action “go and be reconciled to that person”
  • Deal with it quickly, don’t let it linger, build loving relationships now
  • The longer you let it go the more accountable you become

Look Out // 10 minutes

What does it look like to have anger under control?

Sample answers may include…

  • Keeping it to yourself, frustration
  • When it’s restrained, not expressed outwardly
  • Words muttered under your breath
  • When it’s a one time event
  • When it’s masked with sarcastic or coupled with humor

What does it look like to loose control of anger?

Sample answers may include..

  • When it turns violent, physical
  • Slander, using words to inflict pain, cursing
  • When it’s repetitive

Leader Note: Another way to frame this question is… “how far is too far with anger?” The point of this question is have your group wrestle with the idea of “How good is good enough.” Throughout the sermon on the mount Jesus combats this idea that there are managble and measurable lines that make us holy and un-holy.

Look In // 20 minutes

Where have you tolerated anger?

Leader Note: Another way to ask this question may be… “Where have you allowed anger to take hold of you?” You’re looking for personal examples, relationships and situations here. Model and encourage honesty by being the first to answer this question.

Where have you been the offender?

Leader Note: Set up this question by first drawing your groups attention to the two illustrations Jesus uses in verses 23 – 25. Notice that in both examples Jesus illustrates the person as the one who has caused the offense… “someone has something against you” and “your accuser.” Jesus is very intentional in these examples. Letting go of anger requires taking ownership of where we have played the part of the “offender.” In this we move past blame and resentment and move toward honesty, vulnerability and forgiveness.

Leader Note: Tie this in with the above response. Challenge yourself and your group to think about their part as the offender, where and how they have have instigated or held onto to anger. Of course this may not be the case in situations of abuse and violence. Use care and caution as you move forward with this question.

What would it look like to ask for forgiveness?

Leader Note: As you ask this question be sure to also highlight for your group what forgiveness is and what it is not. Again, be clear that this may not be the case in situation of abuse and violence.

Forgiveness is…

  • Motivation: God forgave me
  • You owe, I pay
  • Refusing isolation, bitterness and vengence
  • Trusting God to make it right

Forgiveness is not…

  • Excusing, justifying or denying
  • Pardoning, letting of consequences
  • I heal myself, anger, taking control
  • Reconciliation. It takes one person to forgive but two to be reconciled

This is the gospel, recognizing our part in sin and admitting that we are helpless in making ourselves clean.

This is what God has done for us
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

This is what God calls us to do
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionated to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32

Live it Out // 5 minutes

What would change in your relationships if you lived this way?

Key Verse(s): “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! Matthew 5:21-22

Key Thought: In order to deal with anger we need to see our part as the offender and take the humble posture of seeking out forgiveness, 

Click here for Life Group Serve Opportunities

Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.