Lean In // 5 minutes
What is an excused you’ve used to get out of something?
Leader Note: Model this for your group by using story that is lighthearted and humorous. Encourage you’re group to get to story behind the excuse. From skipping out of helping a buddy move to avoiding the 4th kids birthday party in a row, most of us have come up with creative reasons why we can’t commit to people, places or things.
Look Down // 10 minutes
What do you learn about loving people?
Sample answers may include…
- Loving people don’t judge or condemn others
- Loving people forgive others
- Loving people give to others
- Loving people receive more based on how they express love to others, there’s a cause and effect
- The loving thing to do is to first look at your own life before looking at others
- Loving people want to help others, not judge them
- Loving people want to help others because they have experienced freedom.
- Loving people are motived by compassion, not judgment
Who are the blind in this passage and what do you learn about them?
Sample answers may include…
- They focus on the faults of others
- They are blind to their own failings
- They judge and condemn to get the focus off themselves, not to help others
- As the blind judge others the reveal something broken about themselves
Commentary: Draw your group’s attention to the correlation between the log and the speck. The sawdust in one person’s eye is directly related to the log in the other person’s eye. The log creates the sawdust just as our own faults or insecurities are often projected on others. The plank in our own eyes creates damage in others and causes us to have a skewed perspective on them.
Look Out // 10 minutes
What are some the reasons people shift blame? Where have you seen it?
Leader Note: Use care when asking and responding to this question. Don’t allow your group to turn to judgment of others. Pay special attention to the stories people share as often the things that agitate us are the things that we may also struggle with.
Look In // 20 minutes
Where have you struggled to own your part of blame in a situation?
Leader Note: This could be from a current situation or from the past. In both cases lead your group to see the importance of owning the ways we shift blame, or cover up our own misgivings. Refer your group back to the “circle of blame” illustration which points out the reality that are default is to own the bare minamium or no part at all of any given conflict.
What would it look like to own your part and ask for forgiveness?
Leader Note: As you ask this question be sure to also highlight for your group what forgiveness is and what it is not. Again, be clear that this may not be the case in situation of abuse and violence.
Forgiveness is…
- Motivation: God forgave me
- You owe, I pay
- Refusing isolation, bitterness and vengence
- Trusting God to make it right
Forgiveness is not…
- Excusing, justifying or denying
- Pardoning, letting of consequences
- I heal myself, anger, taking control
Live It Out // 5 minutes
How would others be impacted if you lived this way?
Commentary: When we are able to deal with our areas of sin and pain we grow in compassion for those we called to encourage in their struggles. The promise of grace and freedom become our motivation, not judgment and condemnation.
Learn More About Flow Questions: Check out Kenton Beshore’s book Ask in the Irvine Campus Bookstore for more on the Flow Question model.