relationships – Mariners Church Flow Questions

Art of Relationships // Wk 5 Intentional Parenting

Message Recap

This week’s message takes a look at what it means to be intentional and not only as parents, but as mentors and guides to the next generation. One of the things God calls us all to is to care for, raise up and disciple the next generation. The key elements we looked at were…

1. Having A Strong Belief – Mark 9:36-37

2. Beginning With The End Mind – Psalms 90:12

3. Encouraging Words – Proverbs 12:18, 12:6

4. Genuine Affection – Romans 12:10

5. Serious Fun – Proverbs 17:22

6. Delicate Discipline – Proverbs 3:11-12, Ephesians 6:4

Guiding Verses

Ephesians 5:1-2

1 “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children 2 and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God“

Psalms 32:8

“I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.“

Discussion Questions

If you could join a “TV Show” family which would it be and why?
What are some things you’ve learned from your family or a mentor that you are currently, or hope to incorporate with your family?
What are some things you hope will be different?
Of the 6 elements of parenting/mentoring, which ones are you doing well and which ones do you need to grow in?

Moving Forward

Any healthy, life giving relationship requires intentionality. Health isn’t something that just happens. Rather, it’s a fruit that the Holy Spirit creates in and through us as we partner with him. Take inventory this week of the ways you see him working alongside you as well as the ways he may be prompting you turn around and change behavior that’s harmful to yourself and those around you.

To learn more about the Art of Relationships series, including how to join or host an Art of Relationships Series Group click here.

Art of Relationships Wk 4 // Believe In Love

Message Recap

We spend countless amounts of cash and invest large amounts of time to find and fall in to love. For example, this Valentines weekend we will spend $19 Billion dollars on gifts! What about the cost of staying in love? What does it take to build a long lasting and love filled relationship as the bible defines it? In word, sacrifice. Sacrifice of our pride, preference and desire to love in way that serves our needs first.

Guiding Verses

1 John 4:7-8

“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.”

Ephesians 5:21

“Submit to one another our reverence for Christ.”

Discussion Questions

Take a look at the 5 love languages. Which ones do you like to give? Which ones do you like to receive?
Where have you seen sacrificial love? What did it look like and what were the effects?
What are some things that keep you from loving sacrificially?
What would it take and how would others be impacted if you regularly loved sacrificially?

Moving Forward

“We Love because he first loved us.” John 4:19. Sacrificial love is something that is modeled to us by God through his son Jesus. Jesus is the complete and most compelling picture of love that the world has ever seen. The more we walk with him and listen for his voice the more we will be transformed by his spirit. Jesus is our model and our source which enables us to live and love as he did.

To learn more about the Art of Relationships series, including how to join or host an Art of Relationships Series Group click here.

Art of Relationships Wk 2 // Busyness

Message Recap

One of the healthy relationship requires time. It comes to no surprise then that one of the greatest relationship killers is busyness. In our instant, get it now world, we can quickly find ourselves overcommitted and under connected. The lies and lure of success, meaning and security play on our time and pride to trap us in a perpetual state of hurry and shallowness. What if we could choose better? What if we flipped the script and invested in the things that matter the most? What if we stared with the most vital of all relationships… our relationship with our Heavenly Father. God speaks, restores and wants to teach us a better way.

Guiding Verses

Luke 10:41-42

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed-or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken from her.”

Matthew 11:28-30

28 “Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Discussion Questions

What would you do with and extra 5 hours every day?
What are the lies of busyness and why do people buy into them?
What are the lies of busyness that you’ve bought into?
How are busyness and hurry damaging your relationships?
What choices can you make to combat business?

Moving Forward

Identifying the reality and impact of busyness is half the battle. Take time this week to ask God’s Spirit to illuminate the root causes, the lies even, that you’ve bought into that lead you to excuse or even defend busyness. Pray the truth of Ephesians 2:10 which reminds us that… “We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us o do.” Our worth and identity are found in the creative and saving work of our Savior. He wants to teach you a new way that leads to an abundant and full life!

To learn more about the Art of Relationships series, including how to join or host an Art of Relationships Series Group click here.

Matthew 18:21-35 // Two Qualities To Build Beauty In The Mess: Beautiful Mess Wk 8

Introduction // 5 minutes

What are some close calls in your life?

Leader Note: Have your group think about a time when they should have been in trouble but got out of it somehow.

Observation // 10 minutes

Read Matthew 18:21-35

What do you learn about the master?

Commentary: There are a few key terms in the story. “Seventy-seven times” denotes a limitless number or a lifestyle of forgiveness. The word “talent” literally means millions of dollars so the servant’s debt could have been in the billions of dollars. The word “denarii” is used to mean a few dollars or one day’s wage. The idea is the contrast between the extreme amount of debt that was forgiven by the master and the small amount that was not forgiven by the servant.

Sample answers may include

His servant owed him a huge debt (v. 24) and was not able to pay it (vv. 25-26)
The master took pity on the servant, canceled the debt, and let him go (v. 27)
There was an expectation for the servant to show mercy to others (v. 32)

What do you learn about the servant?

He was not able to pay the debt (v. 25)
After being shown mercy, he demanded the few dollars owed him from a fellow servant (v. 28)
He did not forgive the small debt (v. 30) and it cost him (v. 34)

Understanding // 10 minutes

What does it mean to forgive and where have you seen it practiced?

Leader Note: When Peter asked Jesus how often he should forgive his brother, Jesus replied, “Seventy-seven times,” which means there is no limit. However, there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person but reconciliation takes two. With that in mind, help your group to understand the response of forgiveness to wrong doing and how it is different than reconciliation.

What is the cost of forgiveness? What is the cost of not forgiving?

Leader Note: In Jesus’ story, it cost the master millions of dollars to cancel the debt. It is important to understand there is always a cost associated with forgiveness. There is also a cost of not extending forgiveness which can include bitterness, isolation, blame, denial, and un-healed wounds. Help your group understand the cost of both sides.

Application // 15 minutes

Where are you not extending forgiveness? What is it costing you?

What are some steps you could take to move closer toward letting it go?

Leader Note: When we extend forgiveness, it can be an emotional experience. As a leader, be ready to lean in, listen, and allow the Holy Spirit to work.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

Imagine the impact on our world if we were the people that extended forgiveness to others when we have been wronged? It could set us free and show the world forgiveness is available for them too!

Prayer: Spend time thanking God for the forgiveness we find in placing our trust in His Son, Jesus. Pray that you would be mindful of the areas where you are harboring un-forgiveness. Pray that God would fill you with the Holy Spirit so that you might continually extend forgiveness and in the process be transformed into the likeness of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Deuteronomy 4:9-10 // What Kids Need From Caring Adults pt.3: Beautiful Mess Wk 7

Introduction // 5 minutes

What are some tips to a good vacation?

Sample answers may include…

Plan/Prepare
Budget
Book things in advance
Take lots of pictures
Be spontaneous

Observation // 10 minutes

Read Deuteronomy 4:9-10

What do you see and learn about remembering the actions of God?

Commentary: There was a divine call to Israel to remember the Lord’s past redemptive acts—especially how he delivered them from slavery in Egypt. It is a common theme in Deuteronomy (see 5:15; 7:18; 8:2, 18; 9:7, 27; 11:2; 15:15; 16:3, 12; 24:9, 18, 22; 25:17). The call to remember had a significant impact on shaping Israel’s identity.

Sample answers may include

Don’t forget what God has done (v. 9)
God memories are to stay with you for life (v. 9)
There is a susceptibility to forget (v. 9)
It is important to capture a memory so it can be passed on to future generations (vv. 9, 10)
God creates memories that are seen and felt (v. 9)
Closely watch your life and how God has acted (v. 9)
The actions of God are not just for that person but also for others (v. 10)

Understanding // 10 minutes

What are some of the more memorable moments in a person’s life?

Where do you see people (or parents) creating positive memories for others (or kids)? Where have you seen the opposite?

Leader Note: In this week’s message, we learned how parents are able to create positive memories through various avenues like taking family vacations and being playful. Help your group identify some of the ways they have seen parents and others create positive memories. Also, help your group see the impact of positive and negative memories in a person’s life.

What are some of the ways these memories and stories get passed on to others?

Application // 15 minutes

Where are you creating positive memories for others?

What would it look like to:

Make up traditions?
Capture memories?
Prioritize vacations?
Create adventures?
Write letters?

Leader Note: There are many ways to create memories but it is often the intentional memories that make the most impact. The categories listed above are some practical suggestions to create intentional memories. Challenge your group to write these categories down and come up with ways to make memories for their kids and others.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

What would happen if we were intentional about creating positive memories for our kids and others? How will it shape their life? How will it shape our life?

Prayer: Heavenly Father, we remember all of the ways you have intentionally acted on our behalf and we offer you thanks. We thank you most of all for the giving of your son, Jesus. Help us to understand that we have opportunities to create positive memories and stories for others as well as negative ones. We ask for wisdom to create positive memories and grace for when we fall short. We also ask for the power of your Holy Spirit to work in and through our lives so that we might point others to you. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.

Ephesians 6:1-4 // What Kids Need From Caring Adults pt.2: Beautiful Mess Wk 6

Introduction // 5 minutes

What company has the best rewards program?

Sample answers may include…

Coffee Shops
Restaurants
Retailers
Banks

Observation // 10 minutes

Read Ephesians 6:1-4

What do we learn about God’s instructions for children and parents?

Leader Note: Throughout our lives, this passage remains true. We are called to honor our father and mother at all stages of life. There is even a promise attached to the instruction. The passage also contains wisdom for the way parents are to bring up their children.

Sample answers may include

Children are to obey their parents, which includes both mother and father (v. 1)
Children are to ‘honor their father and mother’ as instructed in the Ten Commandments (v. 2)
There is a promise associated with honoring the father and mother (v. 2), which includes ‘enjoying long life on earth’ (v. 3)
Obeying parents is the ‘right’ thing to do (v. 1)
Dads (parents) are not to exasperate (provoke or upset) their children (v. 4)
Parents are to raise their children with training and instruction they learn from the Lord (v. 4)
There is a contrast between dads (parents) provoking their children and raising them in the way of the Lord

Understanding // 10 minutes

Where do you see people receiving honor in our world?

What does ‘honoring your father and mother’ look like today? Where have you seen it done well or not done well?

Commentary: The Scriptures admonishes us to honor our parents which means to hold them with the highest respect. So, while the ways we honor parents may change, the substance of love and high respect remains the same.

What do you see are healthy forms of teaching and instructing children? Where have you seen it practiced?

Leader Note: This question will generate a broad spectrum of response, as there are various forms of discipline. It is easy to get caught up with the techniques rather than the heart behind it. Remind the group that the ‘training and instruction’ we receive from our Heavenly Father always comes from a place of love.

Application // 15 minutes

In what ways are you honoring (or have honored) your father and mother?

What could it look like to show others how to honor their father and mother?

Leader Note: There is great value in honoring our parents. Not only is there a promise of blessing attached to it, but it can also be reflective of our relationship with God. When we honor our parents, we honor God’s teaching and instruction.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

What if we were known for the way we honored our parents and raised our children? How will it affect other relationships?

Prayer: Spend time praying and reflecting on the passage. As you pray, identify the areas of need (missed opportunities, brokenness, pain, anxiety, sadness, etc.) and ask God to bring what is needed (comfort, peace, joy, hope, love, etc.). Also, remind your group of God’s great faithfulness and His ability to redeem and reconcile relationships—to bring beauty out of the mess.

Ephesians 5:1-2 // What Kids Need From Caring Adults pt.1: Beautiful Mess Wk 5

Introduction // 5 minutes

Who is your celebrity look a like?

Leader Note: Keep this light and engaging. If you someone can’t think of one for themselves ask others in the group to offer suggestions in a fun lighthearted manner.

Observation // 10 minutes

Read Ephesians 5:1-2

What does it look like to follow God’s example?

Leader Note: We have a heavenly model when it comes to relationships, be it parenting or any other relationship. This passage tells us to watch what God does, learn from it and then imitate what we see.

Sample answers may include

Involves all of who we are (v.1)
It’s relational; we do what we see him do as our father (v.1)
Life filled with love, not a one time thing but ongoing (v.1)
To be filled with love (v.2)
Puts love into action through selfless, sacrificial living (v.2)
Living in a way that pleased God, worshipful living (v.2)

Understanding // 10 minutes

What are some things you’ve learned from your family growing up that you are now, or hope to incorporate with your family?

What are some things you hope will be different?

Leader Note: This question may be difficult for your group to answer. Handle this section with care and make time to pray into areas of brokenness and pain at the end of your discussion.

Application // 15 minutes

Where are you following Christ’s example of love in your relationships?

Where aren’t you and what steps can you take to make a change?

Live It Out // 5 minutes

What if we lived out Christ’ example in our relationships? What would the impact be?

Prayer: Spend time thanking God for the example of perfect, self giving love seen in Christ. Pray for healing where other models of love have caused pain or shame. Pray for God’s Holy Spirit to enable us to understanding more fully Christ’s love for us that we may be able to express it in all of our relationships.

Ephesians 5:15-21 // Strategy For Sex-Ess: Beautiful Mess Wk 4

Introduction // 5 minutes

What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever received?

Sample answers may include…

Always be yourself
Honesty is the best policy
Develop good listening skills
Stand by each other no matter what

Observation // 10 minutes

Read Ephesians 5:15-21

What does wise living look like?

Sample answers may include…

Looking carefully at how you live (v.15)
Using your time well (v.16)
Living every moment with care (v.17)
Understanding what God wants you to do (v.17)
Being controlled/directed by the Holy Spirit (v.18)
Choosing to live a lifestyle of worship (v.19)
Living full of thanksgiving (v.20)
Submitting to, preferring others (v.21)

Understanding // 10 minutes

Where do you see wise living? Where don’t you see it?

Leader Note: Frame this question in the context of relationships. The aim here is for the group to consider where they see this passage in real world terms. Lead them to “look out” and think about where they’ve seen this passage on display in the lives of others.

Application // 15 minutes

Where are you currently living wisely in your relationships? Where aren’t’ you and what changes can you make?

Leader Note: You may simply ask in light of your past or your future hopes in your relationships “What’s the wise thing for me to do?” Most people have a tendency to run to the negatives – for some reason it is easier to confess relationship weaknesses than claim strengths. If your group stays on the negative, you can take this opportunity to affirm others in areas of their relationships that you have witnessed as strengths.

Commentary: It’s very easy to allow things such as pride, anger, selfishness and entitlement to direct how we live. The passage tells us that wise living is fueled by our connection to the Holy Spirit. When we are connected to the Holy Spirit we become more aware of God’s will and are empowered to live how He wants us to. We also become thankful worshippers looking to serve and prefer others above ourselves.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

What if we lived this out? How might our relationships be changed?

Leader Note: As we intentionally try to create health in our relationships, there may be resistance from the other person. If you sense this is something group members have experienced, remind them that we are to live in obedience to God through the power of the Holy Spirit. We cannot control the reactions or behaviors of others. We work to improve relationships, but the ultimate outcome is in God’s hands. Trust that He is working.

Prayer: If your group has just revealed some relationship and relational problems they have in their lives, it may be a good idea to come around them and pray for them. Pray that God will supernaturally heal those relationships that seem beyond repair and that each heart will be open to forgive and to forgiveness. Pray for willing spirits of reconciliation and cooperation in ongoing relationships.

1 Corinthians 6:12-20 // Sexology: Beautiful Mess Wk 3

Introduction // 5 minutes

What are some of your favorite super bowl commercials?

Leader Note: While your group may not reference one of the more “proactive” ads (i.e. Go Daddy, Cindy Crawford/Pepsi, Kate Upton/Carl’s Jr.) try to find a natural transition from commercials and sex to set up the discussion.

Observation // 10 minutes

Read 1 Corinthians 6:12-20

What do you learn about the power of sex?

Sample Answers May Include…

Some say it’s the reason they were created (v.13)
It unites two individuals into one (v.15)
If Christ is in us we also unite Him to the other individual, in this case a prostitute (v.15)
Sexual sin is so power we must run from it (v.18)
It affects the whole person, not just the body (v.18)

What else has that kind power in the passage? Explain where you see it.

God

Reigns over food – stomach (v.13)
He created our bodies; they were made for Him (v.14)
He will raise us from the dead, just as He raised Jesus (v.14)

Our Bodies

They are parts of Christ (v.15)
Can be joined with Christ or people/prostitute (v.15)
Uniting with Christ makes us one with His spirit (v.17)
They are the very temple of the Holy Spirit, they house God! (v.18)
They have the ability to honor God (v.20)

Understanding // 15 minutes

What does the world say about sexual immorality?

Commentary: Sexual immorality relates to any sex outside of marriage or the misuse of God’s design for sex. Jesus also makes it clear that sexual immorality goes beyond the physical act and is an issue of the mind and heart, i.e. lust, fantasy, pornography (Matthew 5:28).

Sample Answers May Include

Sex doesn’t damage you, it’s your body do what you want
It’s unnatural to put your desires in a box
It’s just physical, not emotional or spiritual, there is no permanent bonding
Your body is your own, freedom to do and express
Sex is equal to our Identity
Your desires are the most important part of forming who you are

What does it look like when people live out those beliefs?

Sample Answers May Include

People view others as a means to an end for their desires
Lack of intimacy, commitment in relationships
Your urges become the most important thing
Destroys relationships, lack of trust

Application // 20 minutes

What are some practical ways for me to flee from sexual immorality?

Leader Note: While it isn’t necessary (or recommended) to have your group identify sexual sin they struggle with, you should consider ways to avoid sexual temptation that could lead to problems. Talk about business travel, movies on late night television, lack of filters on computers, etc. For singles – consider dates that end up in compromising places, talk about how you can come to an understanding with the person you are dating in regards to purity during dating. If you have time you may also consider splitting up into men and women’s groups.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

How might your relationships be impacted by your decision to live sexually pure?

Leader Note: Be sure to make it clear that while we must decide and resolve to live this way that we are incapable of making this change without the power of the Holy Spirit.

Prayer: As you end your time together pray for courage and strength to put sex in a proper view… that is as a powerful and wonderful gift given and designed by God. Pray that your desire for relationship with God and to keep control over your body will give you the incentive you need to run from sexual sin.

1 Corinthians 13 // Love Actually: Beautiful Mess Wk 2

Introduction // 5 minutes

What’s your favorite romantic movie?

Leader Note: Follow up this question by asking something like, “what were the qualities of the movie you connected with” or “what was the message of love in the movie?”

Observation // 15 minutes

Read 1 Corinthians 13

What are the qualities that make up love?

Leader Note: Have your group list the qualities/characteristics and ask them to define each in their own words. You may choose to either go through and make the whole list and then come back and define each one or define them as you identify them.

Sample Answers May Include…

Love is patient – the Greek term means, “to absorb the blow” or “withstand the heat.”
Love is kind
Love is not jealous
Love is not boastful
Love is not proud
Love is not rude
Love does not demand its own way
Love is not irritable
Love is not keeping a record of being wronged
Love does not rejoice about injustice
Love does rejoice when truth wins out
Love never gives up
Love never loses faith
Love is always hopeful
Love endures through every circumstance
Love will last forever
Love is even greater than hope and faith

Understanding // 15 minutes

Commentary: Before asking this question remind your group of Kenton’s point on expectations vs. behavior and how there is most often a significant gap between the two, especially in relationships. While most will agree that love is the greatest component in a healthy relationship, conflict arises when one person’s expectation of love is not meet. In other words there is a gap created in expectations and behavior.

Where do people get their expectations of love?

Sample Answers May Include…

From their parents
TV, movies, Disneyland ect…
Church, the bible
Culture and society
Our own brokenness and or desires

How have you seen people respond when those expectations aren’t meet?

Sample Answers May Include…

Frustration
Blame
Anger
Search for their expectations to meet somewhere else
Guilt

Application // 20 minutes

How do you respond when your expectations of love aren’t meet?

What could it look like for you to believe the best in those moments?

Commentary: When the behavior doesn’t meet our expectation we are left to do one of two things in that gap… assume the worst, or believe the best of the other person. Here are a couple of examples to help illustrate this point…

Scenario 1

Linda grew up with a dad that could fix anything. Her Husband however, doesn’t fix things nor does he seem to anticipate when things are broken. Linda has a choice.

Assume the Worst: You don’t even care and you won’t even try. You’re not good enough, you’re lazy and half the man my Dad was.

Believe the Best: My Dad loved me by “fixing” things, but you don’t have to love me the same way. We can let others fix things. I feel loved by the way you care for our family and home even if it looks different.

Scenario 2

Kelly’s husband schedules things on their calendar without telling her. Kelly can..

Assume the Worst: He is excluding me, intentionally leaving me out. He doesn’t see me as partner or value my insight.

Believe the Best: When he see’s something that needs to be done, he does it on the spot. While it can be frustrating for me, I appreciate that he notices what needs to be done.

Live It Out // 5 minutes

What would happen if we started believing the best in relationships rather than assuming the worst? What would the impact be with our family, friends neighbors?

Prayer: Lord we thank you that you model for us perfect love in your son Jesus. Help us to love in the same self-giving, patient and life giving fashion in our relationships. Teach us how to honor you in our relationships with thankfulness and empower us to display your glory in the love we love one another. Amen